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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think "I didn't want to read and run"...

25 replies

quisensoucie · 27/12/2023 07:46

...is one of the most pointless things to say in response to OP thread?
I mean, how would the OP know that you have read their post but you didn't have time to respond because you had something terribly important to do? As far as I'm aware, MNHQ don't ring a bell every time an OPs post has been read, so why?
Is it because you need everyone to know that you have words of wisdom to impart but not just yet?
Please could someone who does this start a "I'm a serial 'i didn't want to read and run' poster, AMA"

OP posts:

CornishGem1975 · 27/12/2023 07:56

Sometimes it's because people don't have any advice but want to show support to the OP. Nowt wrong with that.

BugsyDrakeTableScape · 27/12/2023 07:59

It's a way to show people are listening, which can be important when people are feeling isolated or low

Metallicant · 27/12/2023 08:03

I think it’s nice. It’s a way of saying that people are routing for you, thinking of you, praying (if that’s your thing), and willing things to improve.

Kitchenwitchery · 27/12/2023 08:05

I think it's kind and is intended to help the OP feel less alone.

DinoDays · 27/12/2023 08:11

Because sometimes a poster has poured their heart out and no one has replied.

I will post a "read and run" to let them know that even though I've not got advice that someone cares. Also gives and opportunity to bump it.

DinkyDonkey2018 · 27/12/2023 08:11

It shows people are there at someone's low point. Nothing wrong with it at all.

1975wasthebest · 27/12/2023 08:17

Well, it’s a bit cringy and twee along with some other Mumsnet slang or phrases but I think it’s fine to say as long as you add some kind of support afterwards. But the phrase alone…yes absolutely pointless.

YireosDodeAver · 27/12/2023 08:17

If a thread gets 0 responses it quickly drops out of active threads and may never be seen again. If you don't have aby advice but can see the op needs help a quick IDWTRAR post can keep it bumped up in active and makes it nore likely that the OP will get help.

HeyDiggity · 27/12/2023 08:20

What they all said.

LadyEloise1 · 27/12/2023 08:33

DinoDays · 27/12/2023 08:11

Because sometimes a poster has poured their heart out and no one has replied.

I will post a "read and run" to let them know that even though I've not got advice that someone cares. Also gives and opportunity to bump it.

This is why I do it.

ALonelyRoad · 27/12/2023 08:47

I normally use this phrase when I've got little advice but follow it with any words of encouragement and support I have. Usually if no one has posted yet because, while I don't have any words of insight, I still want the OP to know I've 'listened' to what they have to say and want them to know they have someone cheering them on.

OP, I think the fact that you've taken the time to rant about this is far worse than the actual (non) issue. So yes, YABU.

maybejustonemoretime · 27/12/2023 09:20

I have wondered this but Pp have explained and it makes sense, it's not as bad as 'OP, with kindness' that always proceeds some condescending put down.
Imagine someone saying that to you IRL when you were at a low point.

Tessisme · 27/12/2023 09:31

It's similar to 'I hope someone with a bit of knowledge about this will come along soon' and to me represents a sort of holding pattern. Someone has read your post and wants to acknowledge your problem and say how tough it is, but it's not their area of expertise. I find it thoughtful even though I'm not crazy about the wording.

SurelySmartie · 27/12/2023 09:36

It’s a way of showing support when you don’t know what advice to give or what else to say. Just being there.

NonPlayerCharacter · 27/12/2023 09:36

I read and run all the time. If I don't have anything to add, don't have the time or energy to say what I could say or don't know what to say, then I just click off. Nobody knows and it won't hurt anyone.

liveforsummer · 27/12/2023 09:39

maybejustonemoretime · 27/12/2023 09:20

Haha yeh. No actual kindness is involved here. Unlike the read and run where I assume people are just showing support even if they can't help with the actual issue. Knowing someone understands you can be helpful too. Said with genuine kindness as opposed to the above. I can't get upset about genuine kindness! It also bumps the post and keeps it in active for those who can offer practical advice to see

theduchessofspork · 27/12/2023 09:41

It’s just a way of showing support to an OP having a difficult time

WhatsTheUseOfWorrying · 27/12/2023 09:49

I always read it as, “I have some supportive words to share, but I’m so incredibly busy that I have to go now. I may or may not be back, depending on my hectic lifestyle.”

Original poster

quisensoucie · 27/12/2023 09:51

@ALonelyRoad I don't think it was a rant!
But thank you everyone for your replies - I remain to be convinced, but I understand your points

OP posts:

x2boys · 27/12/2023 09:54

DinoDays · 27/12/2023 08:11

Because sometimes a poster has poured their heart out and no one has replied.

I will post a "read and run" to let them know that even though I've not got advice that someone cares. Also gives and opportunity to bump it.

True ,but sometimes there are lots of helpful replies and then someone comes along to say they didn't want to read and run.

financialcareerstuff · 27/12/2023 09:54

Agree with majority 'read and run' is genuinely supportive. You'll notice it's almost always on threads when the OP is really down, or needs help. Very often posters are waiting, refreshing the page, nervous, feeling alone, and even a little 'I'm here.... I'm seeing you..I'm sorry' means a lot.

It's Nothing like 'with kindness'- which is patronizing meanness....

BigPussyEnergy · 27/12/2023 09:54

I don’t see it as being “I’m so busy, I may be back later” at all

it’s generally more along the lines of “I don’t have particular experience or knowledge of your issue and I know other people will be able to support you better but I want you to know that someone cares enough to read your post and offer you a virtual hug even though they can’t necessarily help.”

That’s how I’d use it and also how I’d read it if someone else posted it. usually early in in a thread with few or no replies, and is a way to bump it for the op without saying bump.

MoisturiseYourMoose · 27/12/2023 09:55

CornishGem1975 · 27/12/2023 07:56

Sometimes it's because people don't have any advice but want to show support to the OP. Nowt wrong with that.

Totally agree. It’s always when someone is having a hard time.

Firecarrier · 27/12/2023 10:25

What they said, it is kind.

5128gap · 27/12/2023 10:35

I think some people struggle with the idea of reading about someone's awful circumstances then getting on with their day. The DWTRAR is an acknowledgement they have 'heard' the person and in a context specific way, they care.I think those who do this are just empaths who need to make some acknowledgement of the feelings they've read before they can move on from them. Nothing wrong with it.

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