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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister in law

28 replies

Kaxford · 27/12/2023 01:09

My sister in law hasn’t been shy about giving me her opinion on what I should be doing since I had my twins back in March. I smiled and listened because I thought she was well intentioned even though her advice was unsolicited. A few weeks ago we moved to be closer to my husbands family as I have no family in this country. She made the effort to call to the house every day, unannounced and I was happy to have her even if it wasn’t always convenient. She started calling the boys by nicknames I didn’t like and I let it slide until one day after a particularly rough night with the boys and told her to please not shorten their names as I didn’t like it. I felt bad afterwards. Then she would arrive while the boys were napping and deliberately make enough noise to wake the dead so they would wake and she’d rush over the pick them up. She arrived one lunchtime as I had just out the boys in the highchairs and picked one of them up after me asking her not too as I was literally about to feed them. So she settled for singing and messing with them so they are literally nothing 🤦‍♀️ then the straw that broke the camels back was when she said to me one of the boys wanted to taste the tea I had made her, I told her no he doesn’t, he gives me enough trouble without being full of caffeine. I literally turned my back on her to pick up one of their cups and when I turned round again she had her mug up to his mouth tilling it so he couldn’t drink the tea. And that was it I lost the plot. I grabbed the mug from her and told her I’d literally just asked her not to give him tea. I went on to pull her up on the fact she’d fed the boys something without asking when had been minding them the week before, leaving the lunch I’d left with them untouched telling me they didn’t want it so she gave them something else. She got shirty telling me it doesn’t do them any harm she’s a mother she knows what she’s doing. I told her that she may well be a mother but I’m THEIR mother and she needed to respect what I’m telling her. She went on to tell me that she knew more about babies than I did and which point I told her if she couldn’t do what I was asking then she could leave. She’s not spoken to me since. Was I out of line? How would the rest of you handled the situation? Sorry this was an essay 🙈

OP posts:
Chichimcgee · 27/12/2023 01:13

I don’t think you were out of line at all! What a horrible woman she is. It’s up to your partner to set her straight and I’d just ignore her ignoring you

TheSilent1 · 27/12/2023 01:21

YANBU at all. I wish I had the guts you had to tell people when they've stepped out of line and crossed my boundaries. I have spent 18yrs suffering with in-laws over stepping their place with my children. I think if you have the ability to stand up for your own boundaries then do it. My DC have all been giving things not age appropriate (chocolate, tea, ice cream etc.) and against my wishes by female in-laws and I could never stand up to them about it so if you can then do. These are your children and people need to remember you gave birth to them so what you feel is right for them should be respected. I don't understand it because my family never do/say/give anything without first asking me and their father so why do in-laws always feel they have the right to. Wish you luck and stay strong 🥰

mayorofcasterbridge · 27/12/2023 01:25

Good for you! Stick to your guns with the silly bitch!

Sholkedabemus · 27/12/2023 01:27

Well done @Kaxford . Don’t give it another thought.

Mudflaps · 27/12/2023 01:30

Go Girl!! You have nothing to feel bad about, she's a bloody nuisance and you're well rid.

Escapingafter50years · 27/12/2023 01:40

Well done. Someone who respects you would firstly ask your opinion before doing something with another person's baby. A "normal" person would apologise for overstepping. You are right to set boundaries, and to distance yourself from someone who disregards your boundaries without a basic discussion.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/12/2023 01:49

She’s not spoken to me since.

Thank fuck for small favours. If I were you, I would keep it this way. She is absolutely insufferable.

vincettenoir · 27/12/2023 02:01

It sounds like you are already dealing with this well. I think she'll come back with her tail between her legs and hopefully something would have shifted and she'll be better behaved.

Italiangreyhound · 27/12/2023 03:25

You were 100% right. She is very foolish.

PooglesWood · 27/12/2023 03:45

Yadnbu done let her come back!

PooglesWood · 27/12/2023 03:46

*don’t

Flatandhappy · 27/12/2023 03:46

Thank God for someone who is not prepared to be a doormat!

NumberTheory · 27/12/2023 05:07

You‘re right to put your foot down. She was very unreasonable to deliberately go against what you’d asked and to talk to you the way she did. I think the only way in which you’ve been unreasonable is to have bit your tongue for so long - which communicates the message that you’re okay with how she is - then explode at her. Far better, in the future, to be clear about your boundaries right from the outset in a calm and friendly manner.

RedHelenB · 27/12/2023 05:25

I think you over reacted.

Sugargliderwombat · 27/12/2023 05:43

Good for you!!

polkadotclip · 27/12/2023 06:08

RedHelenB · 27/12/2023 05:25

I think you over reacted.

Complete nonsense of course.

Anyone giving a baby or toddler tea - was it hot??- is incredibly stupid and not someone anyone sensible would want around children.

That's without the rudeness and disrespect.

Stick to your guns. This person brings nothing of benefit to you.

NotARealWookiie · 27/12/2023 06:11

Well done OP.

twinklystar23 · 27/12/2023 07:23

Christ having had twins myself ots hard enough without people like this sabotaging and disrespecting your wishes for your children. Be ready for the poor victim comeback though. Hope DH has your back.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/12/2023 07:25

Yanbu but I think it's a lesson to us all to set boundaries firmly earlier otherwise we get pushed to the point of breakdown and it seems like we've had a huge reaction over a tiny thing

autienotnaughty · 27/12/2023 07:29

Good for you! You were polite but assertive. You put a boundary in place. Do not back down at all otherwise she will think she can continue to behave like this. Just carty on as normal and be polite when you see her. Act like nothing happened and if she addreses it again be clear. Your children Your rules.

Original poster
Kaxford · 27/12/2023 08:59

Really? After specifically telling her not to do something for her then to turn around and do it anyway not 10seconds later?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kaxford · 27/12/2023 09:03

Thanks girls, to do something after being specifically asked not to I was just gobsmacked and the red mist came down!!! And don’t tell me they didn’t want the banana I left for the because it’s their favourite!!! Her own child had a stomach bug and was sick for two days, the first thing she give her to eat when she felt better….crisps 😳 your child your decision but don’t think your going to be doing the same with my babies. I do wish I’d stood up for myself sooner but I didn’t like to rock the boat

OP posts:
nonmerci99 · 27/12/2023 11:11

She sounds horrid! I would be relieved she had stopped talking to me.

Original poster
Kaxford · 27/12/2023 20:06

Oh he went mad! He told her twice in the past to leave me alone because I didn’t want to say her advice wasnt wanted because I didn’t want to be rude. He said their mother half reared her little girl while she was small so what business she had giving me advice he didn’t know 🙈

OP posts:
mamacorn1 · 27/12/2023 20:16

Welldone Op. you did what any normal mother would. You stood up for your kids .

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