Feels impossible to leave

[Miniwaves07]

I'm looking for advice on how people have left relationships previously? I have 1 young child and been with husband 7 years. Unfortunately our relationship is now at a point where i dont think it can be saved. Im devastated by this but weve had many crisis type talks and nothing changes. My question is how have people left marriages previously? I honestly dont know where to start. All of our finances are tied up in our mortgage. We have a small amount of savings. Should one of us move out and rent for a short trial period even? How do people manage this extra financial outgoing if so? Im not originally from the city we live in and i keep thinking that maybe me and DS should move back to my hometown to be nearer family but then DH would barely see DS and he is a good dad. DS is due to start school next year too and i feel pressurered to make a final decision quickly as i know id find it difficult to leave this city after he starts school for fear of disrupting him if he is settled..even though i have no concrete ties or support in this city. AIBU to feel this is a total minefield and i have no idea where to start? What have others done when ending a relationship? It feels so hard 😥

Personally I wouldn't (and didn't) move DC a long way from their Dad. Sell the family home and buy 2 smaller properties relatively close to each other seemed best to me. Annoying when I see the lovely old family home though!

I think a lot depends on how good a father he's really likely to be once you've split OP. If it's likely to be amicable, and he's prepared to take up the slack and be there for your child when you're on your own and are sick, or need additional support with covering school holidays, child illness, etc., then maybe buying 2 small places close together would work, but if you don't have a good support network where you are, and he's likely to be difficult, or gradually fade away after a while, then I think I'd be tempted to move back closer to my family IF they're likely to be around to offer the support that we all need at times, and generally rely on our life partner to provide. However, please don't stay and waste your life with someone who's making you miserable OP, things will obviously be difficult to begin with, but life's too short to spend a single moment with the wrong person.

Thank you both for your replies. I thought that we would probably sell family home and buy 2 smaller properties. It all seems so sad and disruptive and so difficult. I feel weak for not ending things before now but know its complicated too. I think i want to go back to own family town to feel comforted and supported in someway. DH would be a hands on dad though and im sure do his fair share.

How far away is your hometown?

It IS sad and hard and difficult. But if it needs to happen, better to get it out of the way sooner. Kids adapt, and the younger the better.

I too would like to know how far away your home town is OP, as if it's not hundreds of miles away, then I think you might find the break up, and time that follows much easier to handle with the support and comfort of being in familiar territory, with your family and friends around you, even if your ex decides to continue being a decent dad. However, all too often men change dramatically once the relationship breaks down, so you might end up buying two small houses close to each other, and then find that he doesn't live up to your expectations, and you end up alone and struggling, possibly even feeling the need to then go back to your home town, by which time you may not be in a position to afford this. So as I said above, as long as it doesn't make it impossible for your ex to see your child, then I'd probably be tempted to go home, if I were in your shoes.