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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I must be the problem

19 replies

letitbe78 · 26/12/2023 23:26

I just feel so sad. I had a lot of friends last year that I no longer have due to a falling out with one girl in the group.
I reached out to my best friend weeks ago with no response, I wished her merry Christmas and she’s not responded to that either.
I made the mistake of downloading one of those instagram unfollow apps, and so many people I’m fond of have got rid of me. So many friends I made travelling, so many friends from school. It makes me think what I must do wrong and why people end up disliking me or removing me from their lives.

I am so sad. I like to think I am nice to everyone and a good friend. I just feel so lonely and awful :(

OP posts:

Mama9076 · 26/12/2023 23:36

They don’t sound like good people to drop you like that. Sorry you are feeling low. January is the perfect time to take up something new and meet some
different people, it’s the quality not the length of a friendship that counts x

Original poster

letitbe78 · 26/12/2023 23:39

It’s not even just a select few, SO many people unfollow me and I just don’t get why. I rarely post either so it can’t be because of that :( always people I think like me as well

OP posts:

TheBeesKnee · 26/12/2023 23:40

If you're not in active contact, they might have just weeded out people they don't speak to regularly? I do this often and try to keep my friends list to about 100.

MrsPinkSky · 26/12/2023 23:41

letitbe78 · 26/12/2023 23:39

It’s not even just a select few, SO many people unfollow me and I just don’t get why. I rarely post either so it can’t be because of that :( always people I think like me as well

I normally have a FB clean out every year or so and unfriend those who rarely post, so maybe it's just that?

HolidaysandHightimes · 26/12/2023 23:43

letitbe78 · 26/12/2023 23:39

It’s not even just a select few, SO many people unfollow me and I just don’t get why. I rarely post either so it can’t be because of that :( always people I think like me as well

It's probably because you rarely post, you may not have spoken for years and when they've scrolled through their followers they've cut people who they don't really interact with or don't have much content. It's not personal! You seem to hold a lot of weight on social media in terms of friendship yet you rarely post. Do yourself a favour- delete social media and start fresh in January and build a new REAL (not digital!) Friendship circle. Also - you are enough! Be confident, be brave and move on.

beanontoast · 26/12/2023 23:44

If you don’t post anything I’d be deleting you, especially if we don’t speak much anymore. Sorry OP. It’s not personal.

EvilElsa · 26/12/2023 23:45

If it effects you this much I'd say you would be better coming off social media completely. You will drive yourself bonkers.

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 26/12/2023 23:45

TBH I think that it's a thing now that we go through SM and delete people who are not really in contact, or are not in the current chapter of our lives.
It doesn't even really always come down to liking them or not.

Lots of people are also getting rid of SM finding that it's damaging to their mental health.

miniatureroses · 26/12/2023 23:48

It could be because you don't interact with them much on social media, since you rarely post. I have a clean out every now and then, of people I just no longer have a personal relationship with. I don't collect 'friends' like some people do. It's less likely to be personal and more likely to be about the level of interaction you have.

Squiggles23 · 26/12/2023 23:50

Are you sure they followed you to begin with OP? It’s not just a case that they’ve never followed back? Remember not everyone uses it fully.

Otherwise did you have a stage before where you posted a lot? I tend to unfollow the slightly more show off types. Or if you’ve posted more political type stuff in the past.

I do think Instagram and all these apps are so bad for mental health and self esteem. Getting one of those tracker apps is only going to cause hurt. You are better off getting rid of it for sure.

Im sorry about the friendship group, it’s awful when people take sides. It can all become bitchy and very school like quickly.

Maybe try and give your best friend a call in Jan if you’ve still not had a response or ask to go for a coffee? Even just to clear the air and hear her side of things.

Doggymummar · 26/12/2023 23:52

Sounds wretched, but I've just deleted 6500 people from insta FB and LinkedIn. Anyone I haven't seen in person for a year or more and isn't a relative. Even work colleagues. I just want a simpler life. Maybe it was the same for them.

Zanatdy · 26/12/2023 23:55

Do you post much or interact with them? I post quite a bit on social media, but not daily, more like weekly or twice weekly and I always comment on others. Obviously not all due to algorithms. Sometimes it’s because of zero interaction and sometimes people find people who post a lot annoying. Not sure if you fit into any boxes like that, but try not to be too offended re the social media friends

NightisdarkandfullofterrorsGOT · 26/12/2023 23:56

Maybe it’s because you don’t post often - maybe they’ve assumed it’s an inactive account? Might not be anything personal.

DoAWheelie · 27/12/2023 00:26

I delete everyone I don't talk to at least once a year or who has stopped posting unless I'm directly related to them. I don't look at social media often but when I do I just want to quickly catch up on family/friends news every couple of months or so.

I wouldn't take someone deleting me personally - I've noticed my follower counts have been steadily dropping the last 3 years since I stopped posting.

If you feel lonely maybe try joining some groups either online or in real life and make some more friends. Discord can be great for finding someone to have a chat with if you are feeing lonely.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 27/12/2023 00:34

Sounds like the fall out was quite far reaching. Could you possibly look to rectify that if it's causing you upset?

Notimeforaname · 27/12/2023 00:49

so many people I’m fond of have got rid of me. So many friends I made travelling, so many friends from school. It makes me think what I must do wrong and why people end up disliking me or removing me from their lives

How much time and effort have you put into trying to maintain these relationships?
I understand you got no response from the friend you fell out with but its normal to not stay In touch with people you randomly meet in life or knew in school.

Go out, meet more real life people. Some will stick, some won't.

KrisAkabusi · 27/12/2023 01:01

Friends you made traveling are not really friends as you'll probably never see them again. People delete this from social media that they're not in regular contact with. There's nothing personal in not remaining in contact with people you never speak to.

LittleMissSunshiner · 27/12/2023 01:06

Over the years, I've completely come off FB, so a few people would have got lost along the way.

On IG, I would only unfriend someone if they'd annoyed me -or- were clogging up my feed with stuff I'm not interested in. However, were that to be the case, and they were a friend, I'd just put them on mute.

Since you're not posting, that would be strange for someone to unfriend you unless they're trying to keep their privacy tight and aren't sure who you are?

Also a LOT of people are closing down their socials so perhaps some of these unfriendings are actually people who've quit their own account? Is there any way to know?

Wateroverwine · 27/12/2023 02:02

This happened to em this year. Fell out with one and the rest followed like sheep. However I met several friends more suited to me this year who I love which if I didn't fall out with this jealous friend I would have never met. Also met my partner.
Good things will come from this who cares if they I follow you it's their lost

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