To struggle to work out a bedtime routine for 2 kids

[Ohmy88]

Not really an AIBU but posting here for traffic…

I have a (just turned) 3 year old DS & a 20 week DD. DS has had a consistent bedtime routine since he went into his own room just before 6m old - 6:30ish bath, story & milk, bed - usually asleep by 7:30. My DH & I have always done bath time together but alternated story/bedtime. Since having DD, whoever hasn’t been putting DS to bed has been downstairs with DD.

We’ve just started to include DD in this routine to try & bring forward her bedtime & get some of our evening back. Until now DD has just been going to bed when I have…

DD is breast & bottle fed, luckily is generally happy with either but she’s less stimulated by BF so that seems to be the best route for her after-bath feed.

I’m probably being silly & hormonal but feeling a little bit sad that I can’t still alternative doing DS’ story/bedtime atm. DH is doing every night while I sit & BF DD & put her down. Do I just suck it up on the basis it won’t last forever & at some point DH will be able to put DD down so I can do DS’ story time? There must be a way to incorporate both their bedtimes together, is it too soon? We’re nowhere near established in a routine with DD but I know millions before me will have managed to do a combined bedtime! DH & I just can’t seem to figure out a better way than the way we are doing it (but we are seriously tired & brain foggy atm)!

Any tips / suggestions / advice gratefully received & please be gentle :-)

Well the obvious thing is to try the bottle for DD at bedtime so your DH can put her to bed or shift bedtimes a little so you can do one after the other?

Why can't you read a story to Ds whilst bf DD?
I would sit feeding DD, in DS's bed, reading a story. Go and put DD in cot and then go back and sit with DS for two hours until he fell asleep.

Mine are 8 months and nearly 2.5 - when I'm doing bedtime on my own, we all go up together and read stories to the little one in his room, then I put him down to sleep and my older one and I go to his room and get ready for bed and read some more stories there, could something like that work?

I did the same as above (stbxh was useless and never dis a bedtime, so I always managed on my own).

Fed ds2 at the same time as reading to ds1. Then put ds2 in cot, and sat with ds1 for bedtime cuddle.

Ds2 was in that post feed doze at that point. If he woke afterwards, I'd just take him back down with me.

can you sit in ds room feeding dd and read a story? or sit in the room altogether as a family, you feeding dd and dp reading story

Thank you for all your replies x

DD is so excited & stimulated by DS I’ve worried she won’t settle in his room (and I haven’t mastered putting her down awake yet without her kicking off 😩) BUT I haven’t tried, and I will! Thank you.

Shifting bedtimes & doing them back to back is also an option I haven’t tried, but does feel a bit like I’d be swapping spending my evening downstairs with DD for spending it upstairs between DC’s bedrooms 🙈

dh feeds baby or you do story for older dc and put baby down after that.

I found dh was the best way to break the breast feeding to sleep cycle. I would feed then dh would settle in the crib.

I have two similar ages, toddler slightly younger, and I feel your pain. To be fair though when I was pregnant my husband always did out toddler’s story and put him to bed so when the baby came along this just continued. It has meant my husband isn’t massively skilled (shall we say 🤣) in putting the baby to bed and I think she has got very used to it only being me. I feel like if we both did it it would mean that potentially a grandparent could do it the very odd time if needed but the way things are, like you, I am a bit tied to being there every time 🙈 I am also missing bedtime with my toddler. It’s working out slightly better now that the baby is going down about 7 so if I’m back out my room quick enough I could do both bedtimes or like tonight my toddler didn’t settle (a very rare novelty thing for us as he is so good) so I got to go and climb in his cot for a cuddle and a chat and I really loved it 🥹 the image in my mind before the baby arrived was us all sitting on our toddlers bed reading a story together at bed time but logistically I’m just not sure how that’s going to work! Any time I’ve tried it the baby has cried from the minute I’ve started to read 🙈 I also feel a bit like she’s missing out on books too although probably way too young to actually take them in but would ideally read to them both together eventually then pop them both to bed separately. Life goals 😂

Thanks @Hankunamatata - DD just doesn’t settle as well off a bottle when she’s tired. So she’ll feed & then seem wide awake after, it’s like it gives her a second wind I don’t know 🤷🏼‍♀️ Whereas if I BF her she falls asleep & goes down fairly easily.

@Hankunamatata Ahh great idea!

Solidarity @Newnameag 💗 sounds like you’re bossing it though tbh! Maybe I need to try get DD down a little earlier so I can try to sneak a bedtime cuddle with DS after DH has done story time…

Could try putting dd to bed before ds. She is younger and should need more sleep than ds.