Hoping for some solidarity/others with challenging family members…
DD has a birthday coming up. DM lives about 40 minutes drive away. DM has historically made a fuss about seeing my DD on her birthday. She’s also in poor health and has days she doesn’t feel up to going out.
We also have other family visiting on DDs birthday morning. Call DM and suggest that, if she’s well enough, myself or my DH will come and get her (1hr 20 round trip plus around 30+ minutes of faffing once there as she’s never ready to go and won’t be rushed). Also involves one of us repeating the round trip later that day.
I then also casually say another option is a taxi, offer to pay for it. DM then says she doesn’t feel happy in a taxi due to her poor health (first I’ve heard of this). She then says she won’t bother coming at all as I can’t be ‘bothered’ to get her and she can tell I don’t want to. I explain I would rather not take so much time out of my day with my daughter, but that understand she would like to be there too so can come get her if she won’t go in a taxi and was just offering that as an option, not saying I wouldn’t get her. She then gets stroppy, says won’t bother seeing her at all on birthday and hangs up the phone.
I’m now left feeling guilty and that I’ve upset her, and also pretty annoyed. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t…
So…
YABU - bad daughter!!
YANBU - difficult mother!!