To be genuinely annoyed at my mums Christmas present to my son

[Annonnn]

Some background; my mum had a falling out with me and my sister a few months ago so I only talk to her about things related to my son (her grandson) at the moment.

My DS is 5 years old but has ASD and a cognitive age of around 2, this is the first year he's had any sort of idea about Christmas and has actually opened presents.

Anyway, mostly for my sons sake I invited my mum round to our home for Christmas day, the same as every other year. I also bought her some token gifts "from my son" so she wouldn't have nothing to open, which included a bath bomb with jewellery inside, whipped bath soap, coasters with designs of one of her favourite things, an ornament painted by my son, chocolate and sweets.
As expected, she didn't get any gifts for me, my dp, my sister or sil but I was fully expecting she would put in some effort in to her only only grandchild's Christmas present.
For my 5 year old son she bought some plain black joggys/jumper and hoody second hand from Vinted, it was all the same brand (river island) so clearly a bargain bundle.
Now I have no problem with second hand clothes, I've bought plenty for my son over the years, but I have a huge problem with the absolute lack of any sort of thought or effort that went in to her gift to him.
If she had bought him clothing (secondhand or otherwise) with characters/animals/designs on them he would like I would have no problem, brands also mean absolutely nothing to us, if it's bright, colourful or something that would make my son smile then it really doesn't matter where it came from, but she clearly just scrolled through the listing's and picked one at random. She never asked what size clothing he's in now either and bought a size smaller than he wears, they will fit but they won't be as comfy for him.
One of the items was a black hoody, she knows he absolutely never wears a hood (sensory issues that she knows about) so I told her he wouldn't wear it, to which she replied "ill take that back then" as if she was offended.
No more was said about it, she stayed for a steak dinner and left a couple of hours later.

The more I think about the whole thing, the more annoyed I am.
Aibu to think that not only is plain black clothing for a young asd child not a Christmas present but also that if you put no effort at all in to a Christmas present you can't be offended if it's not appreciated?

I’d be annoyed too.

For his next birthday/ Christmas do you think you could give her a list?

Some people are crap at presents. Your mum is one of them.

She turned up without a gift for you either?

I wouldn't invite her for Christmas again.

Your mom sounds like a passive aggressive bitch, but did your son enjoy his day? That's what matters and what you should focus on

I clicked on you are unreasonable
If she doesn't want you in her life
She doesn't get your son
Your a package
Why let her have access to him while she walks over you .
Toughen up ..not good for your son to see her disrespect u

My mother was usually good at gifts but as she aged she'd come up with a few 🤔 gifts. An obviously second hand jigsaw puzzle of sone country scene for a ten year old boy for example (money not an issue). But he'd accept it in good grace and I'd never say anything, though I would suggest a couple things in future.

Not sure why you invited her tbh.

Most years I've made my son a list of possible gifts and that's been fine (although I hadn't fallen out with my mum by then) but I didn't make one this year for anyone. My sister and sister in law went out of their way to get my son very thoughtful gifts (think spending days designing and making personalised sensory floor tiles for him) without me having to make a list.

As for why she was invited, it was partly because I didn't think my son should miss out on a family member he knows on christmas (we have a small family to begin with) and also we wanted my grandpa, my mums dad, with us on Christmas day and I didn't think he'd be very comfortable if my mum was the only person not invited. If things stay the same she won't be invited next year.

My mum is 51 so not quite at the age where that would be a reason for odd gifts 😅
I know she thinks he has too many toys (surely that's for me and my dp to decide 🙄) so that could be why she never bought him any toys but the lack of thought put in to the clothing is still annoying me now, especially with how strained our relationship is at the moment, I'm so disappointed she never made an effort.

I'm so annoyed I want to call her out on it but I know that would just create unnecessary drama, it's safer to just rant on mumsnet 😂

That’s really sad OP, it’s almost better if she had bought him nothing! Is DS upset or okay about it? If upset I would buy my son a little replacement treat eg new pjs we chose together

Just say no presents easier. Buy your son what he wants yourself. Choose it yourself.

As far as my son knows he got some lovely presents on Christmas day (from parents and aunties) he's developmentally a 2 year old so when he opened the present from my mum he just pushed it aside and went on with his day, it's impossible to tell how he felt but I'm disappointed for him.
Funnily enough, the last couple of years she did buy presents off a list I made that he liked but she never wrapped them, this year she actually wrapped it, that almost makes it worse. I know it's a silly way to think about it but it almost feels like she was raising our expectations by producing a wrapped present only to disappoint him. I know I'm definitely over thinking that and probably am being unreasonable to see it that way 😂

It could be worse, our ASD DC was asked what they would like for Christmas last month and then not bought it. I was asked what they would like, suggested vouchers for their hyper focus and that was ignored for a day out with siblings they wont be fussed about 😭

Ask for money for him next year or go shopping with her to buy him a present.

Some people are just thoughtless when it comes to presents, regardless of how some say you should always be grateful no matter what.

My DM bought my almost 1yo a pair of cheap socks (as in £ shop, not cashmere etc) for his 1st Christmas, but gave me a Swarovski-brand bracelet which was on their website for £99. I was like wtf?!

Sent MIL links to reasonably priced suggestions for teens. Said if she didn’t want to get any of those things then money would be welcome or not to bother if she would prefer as didn’t want to appear grabby.

She has sent tokens worth more than the suggested items for things they actively don’t want. So an utter waste of money. They are so frustrated would have loved the cash.

I remember as a kid at school, one of my best friend's favourite colours was green. For her 10th birthday, I bought her a green makeup set which included green lipstick. I thought she would love it. She opened it up and burst out with laughter. Everyone laughed when they saw the lipstick. I felt so much embarrassment and upset but fake smiled my way through until the laughter and questions stopped. It still makes me hyper conscious every time I buy a gift. I constantly second guess myself

@Mumoftwinsandasingleton ah bless you I bet that really stung! and so
Much so you're resurrecting threads from 5 months ago to share. If you start a new thread you'll likely get better responses