To think I have been ghosted and I should have trusted my gut

[Lightsideofthemoon]

Friend of 35 years. She recently moved back to our home town after many years away- we had kept in touch over the years but when she moved back, she was super friendly- sent me flowers on my birthday - constant texting & wanting to meet.

Then all of a sudden, nothing. She’s all over Facebook with pics of her life etc. Looking back, her over friendliness made me feel a bit uncomfortable but as we’d known each other since school, I went with it. Now she’s not responded at all to 2 messages I have sent in the last 2 months asking how she was. At first I put it down to the move but now I am like OH, she’s like that, a ghoster.

It’s made me feel really icky - I can’t put my finger on it but I think it’s that sense of realising that she’s over nice in her Facebook like - effusive posting - but actually not a very nice woman. I had a sense of it too - hard to describe but I think I knew. Its just disappointing though and at 50, I feel a bit stupid not to have a trusted my instincts.

Never been ghosted before though- so am I unreasonable to feel icky about it? It’s so disappointing - I thought we had a long term friendship but she’s actually not a nice person! Thought my radar was better!!!

You're giving this far too much headspace.

Friendships change, develop and sometimes wither, often depending on the stage you’re at.

She may be a ghoster. She may also just be a really crap texter or have other things going on in her life right now? I have friends I care about who messages I haven’t responded to in a couple of months (and they have done similar to me), though admittedly they live in different cities/countries and I guess expectations can be a bit different when you are living in the same town.

She just hasn't replied to 2 messages after 35 years' very casual friendship. Not a huge thing I wouldn't have thought. I know she made more of a concerted effort on moving back but I wouldn't be seeing this as a huge comment on her character or necessarily a permanent state. Is there a reason why it is upsetting you?

Well, sometimes friendships don’t survive changes in circumstance, like long distance suddenly changing to immediate proximity. I moved back to my home city after 26 years abroad and realised my oldest friendship worked far better when we saw one another annually. Difficult to actually come out and say ‘Look, this isn’t working for me’. I suppose she is communicating by her actions.

I think that’s fair enough.

@Catlord i think it’s not that it’s upset me- I just don’t get it. Why make SUCH a big effort and then drop me. As it goes, I have a full life & nice friends. It’s just bothering me - I feel like it’s rude. She’s literally posting on Facebook every day - surely a response to a text asking how you are isn’t too much to ask.

Bottom line is that it’s not how I would behave- different values I guess!

She might have something happened/ going on in her life you're not aware of? I've been in similar situation and chose to just act as if all was normal, liking social media posts etc. eventually my friend reached out being very apologetic and explaining it wasn't about me. This might not be what's happening but I think it's good to take a step back and not let it bother you so much. Your worth isn't tied to this person.