Can't live with the guilt of leaving my ex

[Tiffincake]

I know it sounds dramatic, it's been a good 12 years since I've ended things with somebody so I guess I forgot what it feels like.
I posted previously regarding this,I guess the only thing needed is time.
My reasons were valid: I am in my mid 30s and was with my partner for several years, lived together for 3. They wouldn't commit to anything whatsoever, a small registry office wedding a year from now, even the year after that, wouldn't give any indication as to when we may be able to have a child. Hesitant about purchasing a house together.
When asked if I was the one said, I think so? Hesitant to say if he could still see himself with me in a few years from now.
Anyway I left a few weeks ago. He just said he's scared of responsibility and commitment and feels like a coward. I don't have any hard feelings, it just wasn't meant to be. However I can't help feeling incredibly guilty and like a terrible person for leaving. He said he wasn't earning enough money but I was always trying to help him find other work, he had zero debt and good savings too. We would've managed fine with 1 child but he refused to believe it.
It's daft I know, people leave relationships for far less. It was very hard to leave, it took a while to do so.
I need to get over myself, I know I haven't really done anything wrong and I'm not in the wrong for wanting some commitment. Has anyone else felt like this after a break up? I am struggling with it every day, I don't know what will help.

Exs are ex for a reason. The reasons are still valid, so remember that. As you say, it just wasnt meant to be. Time will help.

Thank you. I really hope it will, I keep thinking that I've left him alone in our home and that he's lonely. The thoughts are taking up a lot of my day.

But you don’t know that?

He could have brought a girl home - gone to see parents, visited friends - he could be having a great time whilst you are sitting about thinking about him.

I was in a 10 year relationship, he didn’t want marriage, children or holidays. I didn’t see a future with him then.

I left married quickly and had 3 children.

He didn’t eventually marry at 44 and had a child at 45 - it would have been too long for me to wait.

Funny, but his wife looks like me!

I still think of him we were great together, just not husband material.

You really, really need to access some counselling for yourself around guilt and endings. As per your other thread - you aren’t a rehab for wibbly men and you don’t have all the years left ahead of you if want children. But mostly sitting and talking through your agency, giving yourself permission and why you feel so totally responsible for the happiness and more so welfare for a man who has shown none of these things for you.

You're right, I'm just assuming. He has gone to see parents, he recently said he wishes it could work out, however doesn't seem to be offering any commitment still so I said there's no point in me going back if it'll just be the same.
Glad to hear it worked out for you, and it's great that you can still think of happy memories

Some counselling would be good maybe, luckily I can access it via my job I think. Yes I suppose I am still grieving the relationship which is normal and feeling sad about the great times, but I need to stick to my guns

Sounds like you stayed too long, let alone that you should feel guilty!

@Tiffincake

I keep thinking that I've left him alone in our home

If you think it's unlikely you'll try again with him (and why would you, given the circumstances?) maybe consider getting your equity - if you've bought property together - and other assets out so you can start your new life properly. If you were renting, ensure you do what's legally necessary so you don't end up paying for a property you no longer live in. 🌹