Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To not take on more next Christmas...

18 replies

Theprincessisblanketed · 25/12/2023 23:46

I've been alternating hosting Christmas with my mum since having children of my own.

Every year that it's 'my turn' she offers to make Christmas pudding/Christmas cake/mince pies to bring to us and I gratefully say yes as I love my mum's version of those things.

Anyway, this year she made a comment about how she had hoped that by now I would be making those things (and also commented on how she had done it every year since I was a baby, which is when she took over doing it from my Grandma).

I was a bit put on the spot and didn't really say anything but now I've thought about it I just don't want to add a bunch of other things to do in the lead up to Christmas (I already find it too much and was actually thinking I should do less next time) and if she doesn't want to make those things that's of course fine but I'd really rather just buy from a shop than make my own.

I don't know how to tell her this without making her feel like I don't value her having made the effort all this time. I think she feels that having carried the tradition forward all this time I now owe it to her to carry on. I do feel bad for letting it go, that if she stops my kids won't grow up with those lovely homemade things like I did, but I am not superwoman and I cannot do everything.

I'm tired and ill and have had a very long day doing all the work of Christmas, so that may be colouring my feelings.

OP posts:

JustOneMoreBaileys · 25/12/2023 23:52

Entirely up to you, OP. You shouldn't have to do anything you don't want and it's ok to have different traditions for your own family.

However, in case it helps - cake and puddings can be made way ahead if Christmas so that they don't really feature at all in the lead up. Puddings especially - we had one today we made -8 months ago and it was lovely.

So, you could do them in July if you wanted

But otherwise, simply buy a lovely one on the run up next year and say you saw it in the shop, remembered she didn't want to make it again this year and thought it worth trying this bought one so no one needs to worry about doing it.

justjuggling · 25/12/2023 23:55

I usually make the Christmas pud, mince pies etc but didn’t this year. Bought a Christmas pudding from m&s and my dad declared it the best he’s ever eaten. Will definitely be buying not making going forward!!

mn29 · 26/12/2023 00:00

“I look forward to carrying on those traditions when I have more time on my hands, maybe when the kids are a bit older - we’ll see. I really appreciate you taking the time to make them but for now I’ll be doing shop bought as there are too many balls to juggle at Christmas and sometimes some things have to give”.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 26/12/2023 00:02

You don't need to explain or defend yourself, just say thanks for the all the years she's done this for you and you'll sort it out yourself in future. Then buy or make, whichever you want to do.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 26/12/2023 00:04

This may not apply to you, but in my case it was a fairly simple conversation... because neither my DM nor DGM worked after they had children, whereas I work FT. Not sure if that applies to you?

I love everything being homemade, but unfortunately my priority is the DC, and after that my work commitments, and after that my sanity, so something has to give!

Sproutier · 26/12/2023 00:06

What contributions do you bring when she is hosting?

I wouldn't argue about it now, just let it lie until next year and see how you feel. It doesn't have to be the same every year either.

TheSuggestedAmendment · 26/12/2023 00:18

YABU This is ridiculous. Just buy the things and put them in your cupboard.

Rainbowqueeen · 26/12/2023 00:25

Absolutely fair enough to do what is right for you.

I must admit my first thought was - how much work does your partner put in to hosting?? If you redressed the balance there, and you wanted to make the pudding, would that work? And even if you don’t want to make the pudding, maybe you should be reassessing who does what for the hosting of Xmas?

Poppyseason · 26/12/2023 00:27

No need for this to turn into anything. Just buy some nice bits and bobs - we love M&S Christmas cake and let your Mum know she can have a break. Thank her for all she's done and let her know she can bake too but there's no pressure and that in time you hope to do more baking but this just isn't the time in your life.

caringcarer · 26/12/2023 00:35

I pay a lady who loves baking to doine. Win win she gets a bit extra cash at Xmas and my family have lovely home baked mince pies and Xmas cakes.

theduchessofspork · 26/12/2023 00:44

You can do what you like.

I would just buy it in. I can’t tell the difference between a half decent shop pudding and home made. You can get good mince pies and Christmas cakes in farm shops.

You don’t need to get into it with her, just say, yeah fine, and proceed.

RobertaFirmino · 26/12/2023 00:50

Would you not just buy a cake from M&S, remove all wrapping and put it in a cake tin?

Original poster

Theprincessisblanketed · 26/12/2023 07:50

FoxtrotSkarloey · 26/12/2023 00:04

This may not apply to you, but in my case it was a fairly simple conversation... because neither my DM nor DGM worked after they had children, whereas I work FT. Not sure if that applies to you?

I love everything being homemade, but unfortunately my priority is the DC, and after that my work commitments, and after that my sanity, so something has to give!

It's the opposite, my mum worked full time and always did all this stuff. I only work part time, so the attitude is very much that anything she managed I should manage.

I appreciate a pp said I could start in July but I already start different Christmas projects I actually enjoy in July (I like make my children a present each year).

It's just more stuff to find time for. More kitchen equipment (pudding basin/big pan to steam it in) to buy and store somewhere all year round for one use.

I feel like Christmas is already disproportionately more work than the joy we get from it, and I'm happy to buy some of it in.

OP posts:

MassageForLife · 26/12/2023 07:58

Just tell her that you've always been very grateful for her contributions, and that you say yes to her offer because she does such a good job. That you understand if she doesn't want to do it any more, and not to worry, you'll sort something out for next time.

Don't tell her you are buying stuff in unless she asks, as she might feel obliged to continue on.

Original poster

Theprincessisblanketed · 26/12/2023 07:59

Sproutier · 26/12/2023 00:06

What contributions do you bring when she is hosting?

I wouldn't argue about it now, just let it lie until next year and see how you feel. It doesn't have to be the same every year either.

We don't bring a lot - logistically we live far apart and we have five people in a regular car with five peoples worth of luggage and presents to bring, whereas they are only two in a similar sized car.

So we generally bring a few bottles of booze and offer to pay for/buy more which is refused.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 26/12/2023 08:05

Get your dc involved in the making, it's fun.

Smugandproud · 26/12/2023 08:11

I discovered Iceland luxury mince pies this year. I have an unopened jar of mincemeat in the cupboard now and I don't intend making mince pies again.

tescocreditcard · 26/12/2023 08:40

Just buy them and pretend you made them.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread