I don't know where to go from here.

[Extragravy]

I'll try and keep it short.

Hosting for 4 extra plus our own household.
My family help where they can. Dhs family are aware of the situation but help is very limited and its not their problem to solve so arent obliged.

Dd10 told us tonight her day was only OK.

Ds almost 5 asd non verbal has been very upset all day Curently waiting for a paediatric appointment but that wont be for some time . He has days like this sometimes weeks at at a time.particularly bad of late. Possibly coeliac but we arent sure.

Dh and I have been taking it in turns to bring him out as its the only thing that calms him and so have been going since the crack of dawn. Zero relaxation.

DH took ds while I had lunch with the visitors. I couldn't relax and enjoy it as i felt guilty.

Dh upset, I'm upset, dd is upset. Ds is sound asleep. Mine and dhs relationship is being torn apart by this and I feel like dds childhood is being cut so short.

I don't want to piss on anyone's chips when they text and say happy Christmas so I'm mostly just saying many happy returns but it all feels so incredibly lonely. And I feel so helpless. It just feels like platitudes anyway if I'm honest as everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives that even if you say you are having a hard time, it's a case of sorry about that hope it gets easier soon.

I don't know what I'm looking for just a vent I suppose. I just don't know where to go from here. I'm sad at how my life has turned out.

Tomorrow is another day but if last year's 26th is anything to go by it will be more of yesterday.

Thanks

Sorry to everyone suffering today.

❤️‍🩹

That sounds really hard. There is nothing I can say that will make it less hard, but I’m sending you an unmumsnetty hug. I hope you get the right help for your DS that he settles.

I feel for you all. My son is 10, non verbal ASD and severe learning disability. He doesn't know what Christmas is and never will. He gets so distressed daily but is even worse when out of school for holidays. Does your son usually attend nursery or school? It's so hard. I'm sure he is finding it hard being out of his usual routine even if he is normally at home a lot anyway, having extra people about just 'peopling'. My son wasn't really bothered when he was younger but I realise now he's older he's unsettled by lots of people and fuss and especially on 'his' turf. That doesn't make it easier, as the world becomes very small when you can't invite people into your home or if you do it's difficult.

I struggle with Christmas well wishes etc and don't give any detail in response either, just generic responses, but it is painful. Hopefully your son's upcoming appointment will give you the chance to explore any extra support or therapy or strategies that might help. It feels a bit like a needle in a haystack trying to find what may help but there might be things that help him regulate at home more as he gets older, as well as being out and about. I don't have lots.of useful advice because we've never found much that helped or not for long, but I hope that isn't the case for you and your son and family. Sending solidarity and understanding your way. It is very hard and although it's incredibly difficult for your DS that doesn't mean your feelings don't matter.

Thanks for the replies it means alot.

I'm sorry you are going through it @apapuchi

He does usually attend school yes but this has been on and off mostly on for a number of weeks so I'm not sure it's routine related this time. But how can we ever know.

It hard to watch, and physically gruelling also as he's getting stronger but the most hurtful part for me is the loneliness the people you are supposed to be closest to don't appear to even register the situation and how it affects our wider household not just my ds.

I've decided I'm not going to the inlaws today anyway. Dh and dd can have some ds free time and I'll keep his as comfortable as I can.

Hopefully today will be good to everyone else reading.

I hope you've had a calmer day at home with him, @Extragravy you have to do what you think is right and is easiest for everyone. I know it's painful not to be able to do such innocuous things as a complete family.

With this happening for a few weeks, it's often suggested coming up to the end of terms that our children are exhausted and overwhelmed and have just spent all their emotional currency. That doesn't seem to really fit the bill for my son as it's all so random but I can see why it makes sense and applies in lots of situations.

I'm only at the end of a message if you ever want to talk, I know how lonely it can be and I hope things get better and easier for you all.