Would you go NC after today? What do I do?

[Rednails97]

I don’t even know where to start but I’m just completely fed up of my dads negative energy. The littlest thing sets him off and he’s huffing and puffing and muttering/swearing under his breath. He slams cupboards and doors. I just get so fed up with it today. He just sits looking so grumpy and I don’t know why. Me And my brother helped my mum with the Christmas dinner and the shopping but he didn’t do anything. His comment was ‘next year we won’t be hosting Christmas, we won’t be lifting a finger’. But it was me and my brother that actually helped out. Then the final straw came he muttered again swearing under his breath about something insignificant so I reacted and said what’s making you so grumpy. he got the knife he was using (table knife) and started randomly jabbing it into a packet of dry dog food then slammed it down on kitchen counter and slammed the door and stropped upstairs (this was in front of my 4 year old). No other family members and not many friends, single parent. My mum just puts up with it and doesn’t say anything. My dad has always had a bit of a temper but he just seems really angry at the moment and just everything seems to annoy him

How old is he? Is it just normally him and your Mum in the house? Maybe he was just overstimulated by people being in his "space"?

Or he could just be an utter arsehole and you would be wise to go low or no contact with him

His behaviour with the knife is concerning, and he seems to be escalating. Do you live there or are you visiting? Do you feel your Mum is safe?
Phone the local police (non emergency number) and ask to speak to the domestic violence team, or talk to someone at Women's Aid and ask their advice.

He’s late 50s. I would say that could be the case but he’s like this every time I’m round at his. My mum comments on his grumpiness and short temper to me but will never say anything to him

Urgh, can you invite your mum around for xmas next year? Leave the miserable bustard at home?

It is so sad that some women put up with this shit 365 days a year.

I wouldn't expose my child to this again. Invite your mam to yours to see him,and be blunt as to why.

This stuff doesn't happen in a vacuum - he sounds very unhappy and miserable. If he won't talk about it or seek help that's more of a problem.

He wants out OP. Be rid

Agree with pp. I'd tell mum that she is always welcome at your house, but that you won't be visiting theirs any more as you don't want to teach your daughter that his behaviour is acceptable. I'd be clear in the reasoning as it might make her think about what she puts up with!

Well I wouldn't judge you for going mo contact with him. But better mot to announce it. Just don't go over there. Meet yr mum at yr House or neutral locations.
See if you can face seeing him next year.

Your father sounds like an aggressive, abusive bully.

I would wager that your mother is frightened of him - a deliberate ploy on his part - which allows him to retain control.

Controlling, bullying behaviour is now recognised as coercive control and emotional abuse. It's domestic abuse and it's a crime.

You would be wise to go No Contact with him, and to keep your family far away from him.

Ask your mum if she is aware that she is in an abusive marriage, and point her towards resources where she can access help to leave him. Whether she decides to end the marriage is up to her. All you can do is support and encourage her to free herself from him.

Resources include:
Women's Aid
Refuge
The Freedom Programme

He sounds just awful, has he always been like this, has he been to the doctor to rule out depression. Your poor mum putting up with this crap all her life. Just ignore him but well done for standing up to him as know it is not easy.

Do not let him cause a wedge between you and your mum as she needs your support as she is probably afraid of him and it all seems normal to her now.

Still an arsehole, regardless of whether it was “because of overstimulation”

And what are they really going to do?? Honestly?? I sympathise I do. And I understand, I’ve seen many women in this position but honestly tell me what those organisations will do practically to help?

Sorry just seen this too - this woman has protected an abusive man and chosen him over her kids repeatedly. And now also her grandchild.

I’ve been in abusive relationships and I GET it . It’s fucking awful and hard and so much shit gets normalised but if you won’t fight for your children/grandchildren then eventually one starts to become a co-conspirator rather than an innocent victim.

If a woman posted on Mumsnet saying their husband was always horrible, always muttering and swearing and upsetting her kids, had been a dick all Christmas, had mouthed off about not hosting next year and then stabbed a bag of dog food before slamming doors in front of their 4 year old everyone would be piling on here saying she was letting her kid witness abusive behaviour and enabling this man etc etc

OPs mum just lets him be emotionally abusive to his kids and keeps her mouth shut. It’s not on. It’s not ok. It is not op or her brother’s responsibility to look after her. It’s op’s responsibility to not do the same to her daughter and keep her away from the toxicity of these grandparents.

OP sorry you’ve had a tough day.

My mum went to women’s aid when she was in the process of leaving my abusive dad and she found them very helpful. They basically helped her realise she wasn’t in the wrong and that his behaviour was clearly abusive when she’d suffered decades of gaslighting, so genuinely couldn’t see the shite situation she was in. She still talks about how they made her feel strong enough to properly leave him.

I would go non contact.

I cut contact with my parents about 10 years ago as my dad had always been violent and had hit me several times in my adulthood. He hit me in front of my kids, well punched me really, and that was it! I Cut him off forever and no regrets!

I would go NC with him. Invite your mum to yours next year.

My dad moans about everything and everyone every time I see him. After seeing him over the weekend I always need a long break. You have my sympathies. I would just see your mum at yours or outside of the house.