First Christmas without abusive husband...

[hiddy]

It's been hard. It's been calm. It's been boring. The energy wasn't the same. Yet it's been peaceful. Managed to put all the together myself.

Can't help but miss him. Even though he's spending the day with his new girlfriend.

I don't want him back. I've filed for divorce. He's an absolute disgrace of a husband and a father. He's put me through hell.

But today I felt lost without him

OP you're not alone. One of the reasons it can be so complicated to get rid of an abuser is that they usually have whirlwind energy and excitement. It's part of their way of getting people hooked. It's normal to miss that at times, for me anyway, even if you are at the same time also heartily glad to have them out of your lives. Stay strong and know it's normal xx

This resonates. Calm is good. Be proud of your achievements! Stay strong. You've got this.

Haven't had experience, but this sounds understandable. List all the things that would have been negative/awful about today if you'd have stayed with him.

Just remember what the new girlfriend has ahead of her.

Christmas alone as a SP is very tough. I've just had one.

Is he intending to spend any time with his children at all, to give you a break? Or is it all about him and his sex life? If so, you are well rid.

I think you missed the man you thought he was/wanted him to be and not him himself. Very few people are all good or all bad so I guess he had some good points and those are the bits you miss. This is the first year without him. Next year will be better and the year after even better as you adapt to him not being there.

This is understandable OP. It will get easier. Congratulations on pulling it all together. Be kind to urself

The thing is, there probably wouldn't have been any issues today. That's the thing. We go to my mums every year. He's always charming, helpful, chatty etc. Apart from getting me crappy presents, they were probably our best days.

The last couple of weeks he's been absolutely horrible to me. I haven't seen him in 2 months but he's still managed to abuse me by stopping maintenance, gas lighted me and introduced my son to his new girlfriend behind my back. Was also too hungover to collect our son on the 1 day he is supposed to have him.

However today I've really felt alone. I'm just feeling it. It's ok to be sad - I know that. I think it's ok to miss him too. I know he never ever loved me properly. It's all just painful

No he's only allowed 1 day every other weekend now. Especially after last weekend. I've already explained but he was too hungover to collect ds and then went and introduced his new girlfriend of 4 weeks behind my back.

I doubt he will ask for ds any extra but if he does the answer will be no. I don't trust him unfortunately. Social
Services want to do a welfare check on him after Christmas.

I'm absolutely exhausted but minimal contact is best for now