Specified gifts…

[Clevesian]

Hi, my long standing friend told me this year that her children are now fussy and asked me not to choose gifts for them. She sent me links to specific items online for me to buy. This is ok with me - I did used to enjoy choosing gifts for them - but would prefer them to have what they want. As well as gifts for the children, I bought gift cards for her and her husband. She bought me…a shopping list note pad (I don’t have a family, so no one else to buy for). I get that she might be hard up, but…a shopping list note pad? AIBU to feel a bit miffed/hurt? I’d rather just forget it, but can’t help feeling a bit weird about it.

Time to say that you are buying gifts for close family now. If you do want to get them a gift, make it a collective one which is as imaginative as the notepad she could be arsed to buy you e.g tin of biscuits.

Next year save the money you would have spent on her family and buy yourself something you love

I don't understand how she would not think that it would come across as a rubbish present?? I think it's time to stop the present buying.

Gift it back to them next year !
I’ve never regifted, but this would be the ideal time

Agree time to stop the presents now. That is pretty cheeky to send her kids present requests and then send you a shipping list. It's so thoughtless. Tell her you are not doing presents next year - if you want to you have give a tub of chocolates.

Next year say you're only buying for your close family.

I think it's a good life rule not to expend your resources on people who don't/won't reciprocate.

Assuming you want to keep the friendship, it's better to make an excuse than to have it out with her on whatever. I think you can still be friends by the way, this isn't a "OMG cut them off" moment as far as I'm concerned

I have a friend who always sends me her kids' Xmas lists with specific items to choose from. The difference to your situation is that my dd always receives a thoughtful gift from them (my friend is incredible at finding amazing stuff!) and my friend and I also exchange thoughtful gifts.

If she started giving me shopping lists I'd dial back on the presents though - it's the lack of thought that's gets to me.