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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to let this film break my heart.

5 replies

twoyearstogountilthebig50 · 25/12/2023 15:08

It's just a cartoon. One that I have watched since I was a child.
Now, however, it effects me way more than it should do, to the point that it has become ridiculous.
I haven't sat and watched it for years due to the impact it has on me. I avoid it.
It's just when I happen to catch a glimpse of it unintentionally.

It's The Snowman.
For some reason my mind associates the ending with something that happened in my life.

My eldest son is 24 now.
He had normal development for his first year of life.
A happy, smiley baby, engaged in his toys, babbling, reaching up to me for cuddles.
He passed all his development checks, and the Health Visitor commented on how alert he was.

When he reached a year old, his development froze.
It was as though a light had gone out.
His beaming smile was replaced by a blank expression. He couldn't even look me in the eyes.
It was as though he was drifting away from me to a place where I couldn't find him, and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't bring him back.

I likened it to a much loved snowman melting in the sun, leaving behind just a pile of empty clothes.
I longed so much for him to stay.
There were so many things in life I wanted him to be a part of.

He's an adult now, still frozen and trapped in his mind as that little one year old.
He has never spoken a word, yet there are still days when I feel this desperate longing just to sit and have a chat with him.

He has never understood Christmas.
His childhood passed him by without him ever knowing who Santa was.
Now when I hand him his presents as a 24 year old, he just looks at me in confusion.

I'm feeling it more than ever today. 😢.
My eldest son lives in Adult Care due to the high level of support he needs (I'm a single parent and carer to my youngest child who has a different disability).
I also have two middle children (older teens).

I have made Christmas special for my teenagers and my youngest child, who is 13 and has Down's Syndrome (totally different unrelated disability to my eldest son).
He totally believes in the magic.
Seeing his little face light up when he saw Santa had been, made everything worthwhile. It's the most precious feeling.
He's the reason I stay strong.

OP posts:
Stayupallnight · 25/12/2023 15:18

Such an emotional post, I did want to read and run especially as I relate so much.

My son is 8, never spoken a word, I’d love to hear his little voice and know what he’s thinking he but he’s a mysterious little man. I also have another child with a chromosome condition , (not downs) but I know how hard it is, she was obsessed with the snowman and the snow dog when she was little, the music from the it makes me cry to this day.
you sound like a an amazing mum , much love to you and your children on Christmas Day.

willowthecat · 25/12/2023 17:23

My ds1 is the same although I do not think in retrospect that his development was ever normal, i was not aware of the gap opening up between him and his 'peers' until around 12 months. Christmas is very hard with a child who does not even 'see' or 'understand' in the expected way. It's always sad to be reminded of books and cartoons from before that time as it takes you right back

NonPlayerCharacter · 25/12/2023 17:57

Thank you for sharing your story, OP. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with your family.

The Snowman breaks most people's hearts...Raymond Briggs is good at that. It's a perfect illustration of something we all experience in life, not necessarily in the way you have, but about the inevitability of loss and the transient nature of everything. And how we can forget that even though it should be obvious.

WhamBamThankU · 25/12/2023 18:34

OP you're an amazing mum, doing your best for your child as you have done all his life. My experience of disability is different as I could tell my son was 'different' but never lost the eye contact or conversation which is typical. So I feel very lucky despite our difficulties. His understanding levels are different and his bluntness can be upsetting to some, but he is living his best life as much as I can manage. Have a peaceful evening ❤️

EarringsandLipstick · 25/12/2023 18:37

OP, what a beautiful post.

You are remarkable - raising 4 DC, two with disabilities, single-handedly. I hope you've been able to enjoy today ❤️.

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