It's just a cartoon. One that I have watched since I was a child.
Now, however, it effects me way more than it should do, to the point that it has become ridiculous.
I haven't sat and watched it for years due to the impact it has on me. I avoid it.
It's just when I happen to catch a glimpse of it unintentionally.
It's The Snowman.
For some reason my mind associates the ending with something that happened in my life.
My eldest son is 24 now.
He had normal development for his first year of life.
A happy, smiley baby, engaged in his toys, babbling, reaching up to me for cuddles.
He passed all his development checks, and the Health Visitor commented on how alert he was.
When he reached a year old, his development froze.
It was as though a light had gone out.
His beaming smile was replaced by a blank expression. He couldn't even look me in the eyes.
It was as though he was drifting away from me to a place where I couldn't find him, and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't bring him back.
I likened it to a much loved snowman melting in the sun, leaving behind just a pile of empty clothes.
I longed so much for him to stay.
There were so many things in life I wanted him to be a part of.
He's an adult now, still frozen and trapped in his mind as that little one year old.
He has never spoken a word, yet there are still days when I feel this desperate longing just to sit and have a chat with him.
He has never understood Christmas.
His childhood passed him by without him ever knowing who Santa was.
Now when I hand him his presents as a 24 year old, he just looks at me in confusion.
I'm feeling it more than ever today. 😢.
My eldest son lives in Adult Care due to the high level of support he needs (I'm a single parent and carer to my youngest child who has a different disability).
I also have two middle children (older teens).
I have made Christmas special for my teenagers and my youngest child, who is 13 and has Down's Syndrome (totally different unrelated disability to my eldest son).
He totally believes in the magic.
Seeing his little face light up when he saw Santa had been, made everything worthwhile. It's the most precious feeling.
He's the reason I stay strong.