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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I should be able to speak to DD on Christmas Day?

13 replies

Coffeeandcrocs · 25/12/2023 13:31

DD ( just turned 9 ) is at her dads for Christmas this year - we alternate Christmases and Birthdays, have done since we split when she was 10 months old. Amicable coparenting relationship, usually has her 1 night a week ( his choice ).

This year is his 'turn' for Christmas. He went to see family with her 23rd - 24th but decided not to stay up there with her for the day which is what he'd usually do so they're spending the day just the two of them at his house.

I texted at 10am wishing him a happy Christmas and asking if we could sort a time for me to call DD with DH and her brothers- I've heard nothing, he hasn't even opened it. It's made me feel really sad and a bit cross. On 'my year', I always make sure DD has time to talk to her dad, the same on birthdays although he didn't bother calling her until 8pm on her birthday this year and it was a 2 minute conversation. She doesn't have her own phone so contact is done via us.

AIBU to feel crap about it?

Not to drip feed - his wife left him a few months back due to his behaviour ( turns out leopards don't change their spots..) and it's like he's decided he needs to be a martyr about it in a well I'm alone now so we have to spend Christmas alone.

OP posts:
Namenamchange · 25/12/2023 14:04

It’s only 2pm, maybe try calling a little later in the day.

Wishitsnows · 25/12/2023 14:06

It’s not fair on your daughter or you. The guy is clearly an asshole.

InflatableSanta · 25/12/2023 14:07

Yanbu.

It's part of the reason mine got phones at a young age though, so they aren't dependent on their dad to be able to contact me.

Coffeeandcrocs · 25/12/2023 18:47

Quarter to 7 and still no opening of my message or a response 😔

OP posts:
Bootskates · 25/12/2023 19:17

I had this one year. He thinks he can do what he wants though as he knows I won't do the same back to him (as it would be unfair on DC)

Hope you get a call to say goodnight soon OP. When is she home?

Bootskates · 25/12/2023 19:18

Also I would be ringing by now. You have nicely asked when would be best for him and he hasn't replied. So I would just call when best for me, ie now

Coffeeandcrocs · 25/12/2023 19:24

She's back tomorrow afternoon and he's just called to say they've been 'busy' all day but that I can call her now - both her brothers are in bed 😔

OP posts:
Honeyglazed · 25/12/2023 19:25

When is she home? Is this the norm which ever parent doesn’t have her calls on Xmas day

That’s key to knowing if yabu

Coffeeandcrocs · 25/12/2023 19:53

Honeyglazed · 25/12/2023 19:25

When is she home? Is this the norm which ever parent doesn’t have her calls on Xmas day

That’s key to knowing if yabu

Edited

No, not the norm. He always gets a call Christmas fay and many years I've even had him over so he can watch her open her gifts.

OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 25/12/2023 20:06

Just let it go OP. And don't bother phoning him on the days you have your DD. I never phoned DD when she was with her dad. Now she's older and has her own phone, sometimes she messages me, sometimes she doesn't. I think it's better not to encroach on each other's time. If DD wants to call you that's different but in all honesty, I think it's stressful for kids if they have to speak to the other parent when they're away.

caringcarer · 25/12/2023 20:19

Say nothing but remember for next year.

Theunamedcat · 25/12/2023 20:28

Remember this behaviour and act accordingly stop being so nice and accommodating he doesn't respect you doesn't prioritise your child's feelings it must be confusing when one parent encourages and accommodates the other and the other just pretending that they are all that matters they never change I was nice to ex for awhile waste of time and effort

SpringMum30 · 25/12/2023 20:54

This must be so hard! Might be helpful in the future to schedule a set time in advance? My ex can be terrible at responding to messages but we have set times for calls which the children are also aware of so calls are not missed. Hope you get to speak to her soon x

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