For feeling jealousy?

[Magpiefeathers]

Just found out that I’m going to be an auntie for the first time and my 5 year old is going to have a cousin on my side for the first time too.

I’m kind of mixed emotions with it. Obviously I’m pleased for them but one part of me feels a bit sad/jealous as they live much nearer to my parents and the other side parents too.
So they will get much more support than we have. I suppose I’m a bit bitter as my parents previously chose to move closer to them than me.
My childhood growing up had both sets of grandparents nearby, which I know is unusual. But I wanted that plus support from my parents as I do really struggle with ND traits and parenting simultaneously.

The main things I’m feeling are these:

• SIL and mum/dad sharing what I don't have
• Parents available for free childcare to SIL and bro, as we have no one around us to do that, therefore we don’t get any time to ourselves.
• I feel really down about this and I really don't wont to spoil things or bring a negative vibe to our family through jealousy.

I just feel like a bad person for not being happier for them, even though I am in a way as I’m looking forward to being an auntie as well.

Move nearer them.

Sorry I forgot to add. We can’t do that either due to DP’s job and financially they live in a more expensive area, we wouldn’t be able to afford anything similar to what we have now.

Life is full of compromises.

Either downsize and have your parents nearby or accept that you have a bigger house, but aren't near your parents. Ask hubby to apply for a promotion.

Jealousy is such wasted energy. Be inspired or acceptance to find peace.

I don’t think hubby will move either as he has family and friends nearby and grew up here (whereas I moved for uni and ended up here then we met and you can imagine the rest).

I get this. My mum is closer to her nieces and nephews who are the same age as my kids than she is my kids. I find it upsetting and hurtful sometimes.

YABU, if you wanted family support you should have prioritised living near your family and not DP’s, even if it meant having to downsize etc. You chose to live where you did and in that case you can’t really be bitter that your family aren’t close. You’re also upset about completely hypothetical things, you don’t even know how much support your family will actually give it might be even though they live close they don’t help much.

Why don’t your DH’s family help out if you‘ve chosen to live near them?

DH’s family are much older and in poor health.

FYI , yes I did choose to move here but my brother & SIL moved away from hometown and moved here, at that point I had DS as a baby, but my parents chose to move closer to them, not to me. Which I’ve eventually come to terms with although it hurt at the time. I knew it would be much more complicated once they started a family of their own.

I think you may be overthinking this and making yourself unhappy over something you can't change. Did your parents move closer to your sibling but in an area that was closer to them anyway and with which they were more familiar? If they're quite far away from you anyway, asking them to move closer to you would perhaps be a little unreasonable.

Sometimes you have to accept that you are not the golden child and you will never have the relationships that you want with them.

foster good relationships with your in laws and friends.

parents sometimes aren’t what we need Jen to be.

@Angelsrose No they were not more familiar with the area. They just preferred it. Even though I was in another area 3 hours away with my new son.

@Magpiefeathers this is really hard but you have to let this go. Otherwise the resentment will build and it will destroy your relationships.

Look at what the real issue is. It strikes me that it is getting a break from parenting and maybe wanting more of a relationship with your family? What about trying to find someone trusted in your area (ask around) and budgeting going out once a month without your dc? Even just budgeting 2 hour child care from a local teen at 8/10 an hour and then going for a drink with hubby. Something.

As for your family, what about visiting once a month for a weekend and spending 1 evening with your parents and the next evening having them baby-sit so you can dh can go out? Friends do this, they visit grandparents one weekend/month and spend Friday night with them and Saturday they go out for 2-3 hours and give them grandchild time.

Your feelings are telling you something. Find a way to look at what that is and try to find some creative solutions.

I don't think it's unreasonable for your parents to move to an area they prefer. It seems like someone will always have been unhappy because if your parents lived close to you, they would be pretty far away from your sibling. Jealousy is a wasted emotion so I think you will feel better to let that feeling go. The idea of visiting your parents every so often so you and DH have some child-free time sounds like a lovely one. I do hope you find a happy solution.

Its horrible to feel like that, but a lot of your feelings are based on assumptions. Your parents might not want to help or babysit, maybe that’s why they moved there and not to your area when you had DS?