To think this is rude?

[Spencer0220]

For context, my DSis lives 10 minutes from my mum. She uses my mum as a third parent and my mum is expected to drop everything at a moment's notice.

DSis refuses to host mum at Christmas and will only see her in laws. The in-laws have a great relationship with mum and always ask for her to be invited.

DH and I always host mum. She's due later. This year she booked her Christmas invite in JUNE because she hates being alone.

I've just phoned her and she's really upset. Not even a text from my sister.

I've raised this before in previous years with my sister and the response I get is that mum is not required at Christmas!!

Am I being unreasonable to be really upset about this?

I'm not going to bother raising it with DSis again.

@daisybe her kids are expected to be gone at 18

If sis hosts every man and his dog perhaps embarrassed by mum. Seems like treated more like hired help (without pay) than family.

Does mum know that you had to practically beg your sis to help her when unwell?

Probably be damaging to your relationship if you moved home and constantly seeing mum treated like a doormat.

Is sis getting money off mum like she has being trying with you in the past?

Defo agree you need to have chat and then step back.

This 💯

I don't know why she'd be embarrassed by mum. Mum is lovely. She doesn't always understand social cues though, but DH and I put this down to her not being from the uk. We just tell her straight when she gets it wrong, and usually we incorporate her traditions as best we can.

Definitely won't be moving closer. Where we are now suits both of us year round. DM is only 45 minutes drive away and she comes every 2-3 weeks for a meal. She helps us with small tasks, but the difference is we don't expect her to come. We always ask and almost always invite her for a meal. We also pay petrol if her visit to help is the main reason she drove over. If that makes sense? Usually she is coming to visit as a guest and suddenly a lightbulb needs changed or a pet needs cuddling to clip nails etc. things we wouldn't ask her to come for, but because she's here anyway and extra pair of hands never goes amiss.

I don't think DM gives her as much money as we used to. She doesn't have very much!! DM did buy the most expensive gifts this year though.....

Maybe your Dsis has mental health issues or a personality problem that makes it difficult for her to recognise appropriate behaviour and kindly respect for others.

I have just asked DM.

My sister gave her a late invite after it was known mum was coming here.

DSis invited her tomorrow and mum has declined because Boxing Day is a day off from her work, as she put it. DSis unhappy.

I’m not surprised.
your mum wanted an invite, now she got one and has declined. The calling it “work” is odd. If she considers needing tomorrow off from “work” then why would she want to go to to “work” Xmas day anyway.

She would probably be back pedalling like mad if mum had taken her up on late invite for Christmas Day.

Perhaps sister is unhappy because won’t see mum on Boxing Day. Or maybe because mum will not be around to be the third parent to her kid(s).

Absolutely!! Mum won't go because she doesn't want to be looking after the kids tomorrow.

She's just left here. She thanked us for a lovely day. Loved her dinner and gift.

Could have done without DH setting the kitchen on fire! But that's another story...

😱🔥

Just finally had a very generic merry Christmas text off my sister.

Why are you still in any contact with your sister? You can only start by putting in appropriate boundaries yourself, and then try to help your mum find her own.

Your sister is a d..k. You can't change her, but your mum needs to be firm with her.
It's sad but I don't think either of you are missing much from her anyway, totally selfish person.

Believe me, I intend to go NC once mum dies. But I don't think stressing mum further is fair.