To find dating really cringy

[Imalwayshungry]

I am single and would like a husband and child, I just find the whole dating thing really awkward and cringy, I don't know why, though I do have a tendency to ruminate.

It's the whole idea of meeting this person and knowing you're being analysed/you're analysing them on whether they're a good match.
Then after a certain number of dates/the first date you sleep together to see if you're compatible. Arranging that is very awkward, it's always 'come round to mine/watch a film' or something and just makes me feel like some teenager, even though I'm 33.
I don't know, I just find it all cringy and painstaking.

First dates are always a bit awkward, but when it's the right person it feels natural pretty quickly. You don't have to sleep with them until you're ready. After the first date, if you're not enjoying it and it's feeling like too much effort, it's probably not the right person for you. Some nerves are normal though, especially if you like them

Maybe you think this way because you are approaching it very practically. I.e dating to "get a husband and a child". Dating is a lot better when it's open-ended. Then it becomes about meeting people. Not "analysing each other" but "getting to know", not "arranging to have sex to see if we are compatible" but "fancying someone and taking the relationship to the next level". Stop being so transactional about dating and it can be a wonderful journey of discovery with a few bad apples along the way and, hopefully, a happy ending.

Honestly, unless you have the kind of strict arranged marriage where you first lay eyes on one another as you’re saying your vows (in which case the vetting will have gone on behind the scenes), any form of meeting a potential life partner involves mutual analysis, potential for disappointment, negotiation about sex etc. I think it’s just part of the territory.

You're overthinking it and creating problems and worried that aren't there. Stop it. Enjoy it for what it is - meeting a potential friend and partner and if it's right, it will flow naturally.

Yeah it can be cringy until you meet someone and there is chemistry - then those things feel natural and fun.

dont settle or try to push things forward unless there is chemistry or attraction.. then you won’t be wasting your time and you will find it more fun than a chore

Thanks for your replies, I'll try not to overthink it/force things, and see if it just flows.

Instead of trying to not over think have a go at checking out how you are feeling when you around your date. It's easier to feel rather than to not think.

Then after a certain number of dates/the first date you sleep together to see if you're compatible. Arranging that is very awkward, it's always 'come round to mine/watch a film' or something and just makes me feel like some teenager, even though I'm 33.

How would you prefer it to be arranged, though? A formal invitation through the post?

Maybe 😂
I dunno it's just all euphemisms, like the whole netflix and chill thing. I know I'm just being too picky here.

I'd just say go on plenty of first dates at least at first but be picky as hell about who to progress with to second dates/sex/ even a third coffee or drink. This will help things moving but reduce fatigue and cringe. Takes regular breaks from dating and take as long as you need for sex.

If you're not feeling it with someone early on then bow out nicely. It's unlikely to change. The right person won't feel awkward.

Are you planning on dating a teenager? No adult uses "Netflix and chill". Also, people might genuinely invite you for a meal and a movie and not plan sex. My partner invited me to his place on our second date. We had a BBQ and he made a bed for me in a cabin. The next morning he ran out to get me a coffee and we went hiking with the dog in the nearby woods. It was a lovely weekend and we learned loads about each other and we didn't even kiss by that point. Sex came much later in our relationship and was totally natural with no prior arrangements.

You're not being picky. It seems like you are struggling to validate your own feelings. Maybe the dates you've been on have been awkward because you didn't like them but you blame yourself.

I always hated dating as well and it's so rare that you meet someone you click with. Looking back now I was definitely trying to force it (I didn't realise at the time). When I had my first date with dp it was very natural and easy and I didn't want to leave (the next day...)

This is why I like to have sex on the first date. No point dating if you’re not sexually compatible.

I understand, I just really don't feel comfortable doing it, I am a very shy person and it takes me a while to work up the courage to become intimate.