To expect him to at least wake up to watch our son open presents

[Christmaspanicat]

I have a 4 year old with someone who lives 200+ miles away. He always always works around Christmas so has never spent a Christmas with our son.

this year is the first year our son has really gotten Xmas, he’s been so excited. I asked his dad if he would rather FaceTime or me send videos. He asked if he could FaceTime to enjoy with him. He went out last night, got drunk and has now not woken up to watch our son open presents.

I know it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but I would set an alarm to make sure I’m up if I couldn’t be there in person. My son asked to call his dad to show him his new things but he’s still fast asleep

Sorry to hear that OP, you must be so disappointed in him. Has DS noticed and cared, or is he happy to wait and show him his presents later?

My dad used to do this and lived with us. He was always to hungover to get up in the morning and drunk by the end of Christmas day. I loved him a lot but I remember clearly wondering why he didn't get up to watch us open presents. I barely drink on Christmas eve now as I would never want my kids to remember that. DH also gets up and doesn't drink much

Yeah, lazy, uninvolved twat but it won't change and your ds will sadly learn this in time. He's missed out, you and your ds have a lovely day and take NO shit from.him about it being your fault hes missed it.

I am so disappointed. The one thing you could do just to be involved in the festivities. I have videoed the whole thing but I really feel like why should I send it if he cannot be bothered to get up. All it will take is a 10 min FaceTime video.

I have a 4 year old with someone who lives 200+ miles away.

The xmas pressie issue is surely the tip of the iceberg. Are you actually together with this guy? If so, why aren't you living as a family? Does he have another family? Or is this instance just a microcosm of his parenting/partnership crapness in which case why continue the charade?

We’re not together at all. And I’m not sure why I’ve let it slide for so long. He always tells me how much he loves our son, I don’t want to believe he is just this shit. He hasn’t seen our son for 6 weeks counting right now. I couldn’t bear to miss out on my son like this

I would be majorly pissed off too! He should have set an alarm, hungover or not, to spent this precious time with his child. Feckin loser.

Sorry to be harsh OP but you need to stop trying to make him into the father you want him to be. Actions speak louder than words, he might love his son but not enough to make the effort to see him at Christmas.

But I think it's understandable, given the distance and separation, and working arrangements.

When you co-parents there's an acceptance you'll be missing a great deal in your children's lives.

He sounds like a waste of space, but I don’t know why you are disappointed, it sounds like this is par for the course.

I do understand because he lives hundreds of miles away he may miss some things. But to not even wake up early on Christmas morning to see your child opening his gifts, just a FaceTime

He doesn't care enough. That's the issue.