Should I tell my son's gf parents?

[Toocooltoboogie]

Both 16. A few days ago they both got stoned. My son was a mess - as far as I'm aware it's the first time he's tried weed. I think I should tell her parents. We don't know them and we are not friends but I have her Mum's mobile number. My son begged me not to because they'll go ballistic and are very strict. My friend who works with adolescents advised me not to and I should concentrate on parenting my son as he's my priority. She said I'll ruin the trust between us and they may become more secretive.
I still think I should because if it was my daughter I'd want to know she was going down this track so I could offer support. If I'm honest I don't really like her and I've been worried she's bad news for a while. I know she's drinks regularly and smokes occasionally however I'm not blaming her for my sons choices. I hold him fully responsible for the state he got himself in. I just wanted some feedback from those of you that have been in a similar position.

I am glad you aren’t going to tell her parents.

Similar situation here - I was 15, my bfs parents came to my house and told my dad I was drinking and having sex. My dad had a mental illness and i am not being dramatic when I say that moment changed the course of my life, totally ruined it.

Concentrate on your son. Keep his trust.

This is the age where your DCs character really starts to show with real consequences. Are they leaders or followers, risk takers or risk averse, future focused or living in the moment.

At 16 you can't control your DC. You can try to influence but that will only work if they trust you.

I didn't trust my parents, I didn't trust their reactions. So I didn't tell them anything. Nothing really bad happened but I ended up with a very superficial relationship with them.

This is what you’re thinking about on Christmas morning? Don’t tell her parents, parent your son. But 16 year olds smoking a bit of weed is birthing to get too excited about. Stop thinking about it and have a lovely day with your family.

OP

At some point in the future your son will be drunk or stoned or otherwise need help.

What you do / say here will decide whether he comes home or decides to sleep in the park.

IMHO all teens need a get out of jail free card. That they can call you at 3am and you will get them home.

It sounds like his gf doesn't have that at home (I had strict parents, it was utterly stifling) so she came to yours.

You do not have to like the situation, you do not need to approve, ones everyone is home / sober and it isn't Xmas you can talk about it sensibly.

Advice? Listen to your friend. She seems to know what she's talking about. Be honest with yourself, the only reason you want to tell her parents is because you don't like her and hope it might split them up and keep her away from your son. Don't pretend that you care so much about her that if it was your daughter you'd want to know. Your son will just go behind your back in future because he won't trust you. Is it worth that?

Your son was comfortable coming to you for help when he’d made a bad choice - that’s a good thing. Don’t ruin his trust now. He’s done what a lot of kids his age will and hopefully he’s learnt his lesson. Now you can have a chat about the risks of the stronger varieties than there used to be, possible impact to mental health, what to do if he reacts badly / gets sick. You’re responsible for guiding your son, not his GF.

Absolutely do not tell them!

Your Ds will never tell you anything or trust you again .

Talk to him about looking after himself and his friends and making sensible choices.

16 year olds often learn their best lessons by making a mistake and they won’t be the first or last to get wasted on weed or drink and live to tell the tale. Being ‘strict’ hasn’t worked so far for the girl’s parents so far, has it? So how will it help now? You could put her at risk by telling them.

Be friendly and supportive to her. You’ll have most influence by keeping them close.

Such a ridiculous amount of drama over a joint🙄its legal where I live.

Not all parents are able to help navigate these waters as u put it..they may not be interested in what she's doing ,or just very dominant parents who punish instead of guiding

Honeychickpea As I said in my post it was more than a bit of a joint and it definitely isn't a fuss about nothing. Ds was a mess, very unwell and it was an unsafe situation. I'm sure if you found your child like this you wouldn't think it was nothing. It's illegal here so its not really relevant whether its legal or not where you are. Thanks for your useful contribution though.

Thanks for the useful insight people have given and I've taken it onboard. Maybe I've been quick to judge her, christ I was up to allsorts when I was that age. She's got lots of good points and I'll make more effort to get to know her. I haven't said a word to my son about my reservations and he knows I'm here for him. He does talk to me when he needs to so I'll work on keeping that kind of bond with him. I'm hoping he's learnt his lesson.

Ifancythegrinch I'm sorry this happened to you.

This is so ridiculous — they’re 16. This is so incredibly normal and rarely indicative of anything that lasts past teenage years! Teenagers will always do this, don’t make your relationship one where they can’t tell you anything and become secretive!