To miss them so much?

[AllNineLives]

My OH’s sibling died earlier this year.
They were a big part of our lives and I miss them so much.
Since they died, I have supported my OH as best I can as they were very close and the death has been a big shock to the whole family.
I knew the sibling very well, they were a very close friend to me, a confidant and support for many years.
I feel that my grief isn’t valid, because my OH lost their sibling, who was just my “in-law” so i have to just get on with it.
AIBU to feel so bereft?

Not at all OP. Your relationship and grief is just as valid but it's a common mistake to overlook. I lost a sibling and had to be strong for my parents who lost a child. Talking online helped a lot to be honest. Therapy was suggested but I found it hard to verbalise without crying.

Would you like to tell us about your friend?

I am so sorry, this sounds so hard, but I think expressing your feelings could help you and your partner understand your deep grief in the medium to long term as you both loved them so much. Am so sorry for you both

I'm really sorry for your loss.

Would you feel unreasonable to grieve for them if they weren't your in-law ??

you had a relationship that wasn't just Sil/bil & you have every right to grieve the loss of that & them.

you & DH can support each other. It's not either or.

Thanks all for your replies, very much appreciated.
I have now spoken to my OH and voiced my feelings and I do feel better. When I write this message I was quite low and it was late at night, I struggle to sleep.
we have both agreed to talk about our feelings as my OH definitely bottles it up but has cried with me and we are both better for it.
we will miss them very much but hopefully we can support each other.
thanks again, lots of festive hugs to all of you xx

Oh love, we lost my dm last year and dh felt a lot like you. He felt embarrased about his grief because it wasn’t his dm or dgm and he felt that he didn’t have any right to be upset. He apologised for crying as he should have been supporting us. But he knew my dm for 25 years. They were very close and my dm really relied on him and as far as I’m concerned she was his family as much as she was ours.

You loved your sibling in law and you are just as entitled to feel grief and loss as everyone else. I’m glad you’ve spoken your dh and you’re feeling better now.

Nobody' grief is any more valid than anyone else's - they are mutually exclusive imo - it is possible for all to grieve their own way and that act is not a comment on anyone else's grief.

Thank you x

Thank you, and so sorry for your loss.
in my case, I knew my OH’s sibling for over 25 years and they were very much part of our lives.
it’s funny isn’t it, how we can end up being closer to our OH’s families than our own sometimes
xx