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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP constantly criticises me. AIBU?

2 replies

ChristmasSlay · 24/12/2023 23:32

I will preface by saying I am quite an untidy and disorganised person, forgetful, lose things frequently. I highly suspect I have undiagnosed ADHD, but like a lot of women born in the late 1980s, received no diagnosis. I can understand why my traits can be frustrating.

My DP constantly berates me for being forgetful, losing stuff, and generally things I try my best at but cannot help. We have a 5 year old child and a 6 month old. I do all of the night feeds and wake ups for our baby, due to him working, even the weekends. I look after our baby 90% of the time, but never receive any thanks or gratitude.

This morning he asked me if I could tidy up whilst he finished some last minute bits for work. I had two hours until we had to go out to a friends Christmas Eve party. In that time I managed to get myself ready (including nice hair and makeup which I never get to do these days), get our 5 year old ready, feed and sort the baby out (as well as packing his bag). I made a start on the tidying but admittedly not much. DP immediately had a go at me for not doing - in his view - enough tidying.

Then, on the way home from the party, I explained to DP that I didn’t have the time to do all of the tidying and I am really struggling with not sleeping much due to getting up every night with the baby. He then says there’s, ‘no point’ in me doing all the night feeds anyway, as he always wakes up, so he might as well do it. I said fine, I won’t do the night feeds anymore, he can.

The whole of this evening there has been an atmosphere, until 9pm when DP suddenly disappeared. I went looking for him half an hour later to find he had gone to bed - leaving all of the Christmas Eve stockings, wrapping, prep, solely to me which to be honest I find upsetting.

In between all of this, there is near constant tiny criticisms. I haven’t done this correctly, or I’m too slow at this. He says I am not proactive enough but when I suggest things it is immediately shot down.

I’ve decided to sleep on the sofa tonight as I’m upset and as he stated, he doesn’t sleep anyway so he might as well do all the night feeds himself.

I’m not sure why I’m writing this, I’m too upset to sleep and just want to vent I suppose.

OP posts:
Ohforfox · 24/12/2023 23:37

Don't sleep on the sofa, just wake him when the baby wakes. I think in the thick of it when you're tired things seem worse. Would it help if you had a list of tasks? Admittedly I know nothing about ADHD but I do know about being criticised constantly & it's not a pleasant way to live. Having said that, it's Christmas & you don't want the day to be spoiled tomorrow. Your 5 year old will be beyond excited & you want to enjoy it so if I were you, I'd go up to bed & try to get some sleep & start afresh in the morning.

bananalover98 · 25/12/2023 00:02

If I was you I would go and sleep with the 5 year old if you won't wake them. The closeness might feel like the cuddle you need right now from your mean partner.
I'm messy with adhd and I totally get it. The fact he has gone to bed is horrible.

Bottom line imo things he is doing wrong are premeditated, cruel and impatient the things you are doing wrong are accidental and a side effect. You certainly aren't going out of your way to upset him yet he is with you?

I have no tolerance at all though I'm now a single mother, happy and dating but living alone with kids. Maybe don't take my advise haha x

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