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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Emetophobic and stressed

43 replies

Hoglet70 · 24/12/2023 22:30

I love Christmas, I mean I bloody love it but I am also emetophobic and sat here in a stress that because I am having an IBS flare up and my stomach hurts, that I am going to go down with a dire stomach bug and ruin Christmas. Every year I do this. I cannot let myself enjoy Christmas just in case I am ill! I am sat here reading about all the Norovirus ruining Xmas for everyone and it's making me worse.
So AIBU - do you never have stomach bugs at Christmas or AINBU, this is something that will get me in the end and I might as well kill myself now (light hearted obviously).

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoglet70 · 27/12/2023 21:07

stomachamaleon · 27/12/2023 21:01

I can only echo what @JoannaStayton has said.
I am in shock that this is an existence some of you have.
My mother was phobic about being sick and used to proudly tell us she hadn't been 'ill' since 1971. She used to wack the music up if we were I'll and we would have to self sooth.
Not much fun as a crohns sufferer.
How do you navigate I'll health?

I turn the music up like your mother did!

OP posts:
fourelementary · 27/12/2023 21:54

stomachamaleon · 27/12/2023 21:01

I can only echo what @JoannaStayton has said.
I am in shock that this is an existence some of you have.
My mother was phobic about being sick and used to proudly tell us she hadn't been 'ill' since 1971. She used to wack the music up if we were I'll and we would have to self sooth.
Not much fun as a crohns sufferer.
How do you navigate I'll health?

Ill health isn’t an issue- no other illness is. I don’t even mind vomiting if it’s not a bug eg drunk, high temperature, travel sickness etc. in fact I work in healthcare so unwell people are not an issue. Sickness bugs- are. If my kids get them- or when they’ve had them- I just get on with it and hold their hair back, bleach their basin etc- all whilst internally panicking and worrying. I would not play music or leave them to it etc though…
I will definitely look at the Thrive programme thank you @JoannaStayton - I hope I too can overcome it.

How do “normal” people feel when they hear about sickness bugs? Or when their child feels sick or is sick? Genuine question.

stomachamaleon · 27/12/2023 22:06

It used to really upset me and as I had an illness felt she was self absorbed and should have done something about it. I felt it made her emotionally unavailable. She couldn't even come to hospital.

@fourelementary I wouldn't say I jump for joy but it really doesn't bother me. Have had a few as have my three children.

I do admire anyone that can't take emetics and be ok. They make me feel terrible and I have tried a few.

Original poster
Hoglet70 · 27/12/2023 22:09

I've been so lucky as DS is really good when he is ill. My main worry was that I would abandon him and leave the house but I used to stand outside the bathroom and chat to him and say I was so sorry but Mummy will come back in when he is finished. I know this could have been so different but he is now a really matter of fact puker and I am so glad he isn't like me.

OP posts:
toomanyleggings · 27/12/2023 22:17

I had severe emetaphobia all my life, until about two years ago when my kids started getting a lot of stomach issues, including confirmed norovirus and Astrovirus ( tested at the gp). It was literally a 6 weekly thing at one point and I was beside myself. I have held their hair back, cleaned up sick, slept with them breathing in my face because frankly you do whatever to comfort them and by some miracle I didn’t pick it up ( aware I’m tempting fate here). When it first started happening I’d be shivering and shaking with fear but I wouldn’t leave them to it and gradually I have gotten less scared. Good hand hygiene and good air flow like a window open is all you can do. I also find reframing helps me. So I tell myself the vomiting is actually a sign of a healthy body doing what it’s supposed to do.

MadCatLady27 · 27/12/2023 22:23

I don't want to derail OPs thread, so will probably start my own at some point

But how do those of you who are emetophobic cope with looking after children when they are being sick?

I'm not afraid of being sick myself, but am terrified of others (I think I know what caused it). I get panicky and start to feel sick myself and shaky. If DH says he's feeling sick the panic sets in. It's everything about sick that sets it off.

I also have a bad gag reflex, I had to clean up cat sick with normal tissue the other day because we'd run out of kitchen roll and I was heaving away.

We are hopefully going to be trying for a baby in the future but the thought of sick is not good, especially seeing all these threads about children with stomach bugs!

My mum says it's different if it's your child but I'm struggling to envision it!

stomachamaleon · 27/12/2023 22:24

Well done to those who do manage to support their children In what are clearly difficult circumstances. It is remembered.

Barbadossunset · 27/12/2023 22:25

My (adult) dc were on a ferry from a Hebridean island to the mainland today. Nothing in this world would’ve got me on that ferry.

MadCatLady27 · 27/12/2023 22:27

Barbadossunset · 27/12/2023 22:25

My (adult) dc were on a ferry from a Hebridean island to the mainland today. Nothing in this world would’ve got me on that ferry.

I remember a school trip I didn't go on for whatever reason, I'm so glad I didn't as apparently it was very windy and they were on the ferry. You can probably imagine what happened. You presumably weren't allowed on deck to escape so were effectively trapped. My worst nightmare

YourTruthorMine · 27/12/2023 22:28

This ruined my Christmas Eve, had a friend over to stay and after dinner he started complaining of being bloated and having indigestion and a stomach ache. I then went into a spiral of terror and had diarrhoea the entre night out of sheer fear, also had my earplugs pushed in as far as I could to drown out any noises. Didn't actually happen in the end

Louise295 · 27/12/2023 22:29

MadCatLady27 · 27/12/2023 22:23

I don't want to derail OPs thread, so will probably start my own at some point

But how do those of you who are emetophobic cope with looking after children when they are being sick?

I'm not afraid of being sick myself, but am terrified of others (I think I know what caused it). I get panicky and start to feel sick myself and shaky. If DH says he's feeling sick the panic sets in. It's everything about sick that sets it off.

I also have a bad gag reflex, I had to clean up cat sick with normal tissue the other day because we'd run out of kitchen roll and I was heaving away.

We are hopefully going to be trying for a baby in the future but the thought of sick is not good, especially seeing all these threads about children with stomach bugs!

My mum says it's different if it's your child but I'm struggling to envision it!

Edited

I'm genuinely terrified of it. I panic. Heart races. I shake. I went to cry if someone is sick, however, My own children are the only ones I can look after. Although I panic and it keeps me awake all night worrying about if and when it's going to happen. when it actually does, I handle it. I look after them. My youngest had a nasty bug the other week and I was awake with her all night whilst she was unwell and it was fine. I did feel sick for 3 days after thinking I would catch it but I was fine xxx

Original poster
Hoglet70 · 27/12/2023 22:29

MadCatLady27 · 27/12/2023 22:23

I don't want to derail OPs thread, so will probably start my own at some point

But how do those of you who are emetophobic cope with looking after children when they are being sick?

I'm not afraid of being sick myself, but am terrified of others (I think I know what caused it). I get panicky and start to feel sick myself and shaky. If DH says he's feeling sick the panic sets in. It's everything about sick that sets it off.

I also have a bad gag reflex, I had to clean up cat sick with normal tissue the other day because we'd run out of kitchen roll and I was heaving away.

We are hopefully going to be trying for a baby in the future but the thought of sick is not good, especially seeing all these threads about children with stomach bugs!

My mum says it's different if it's your child but I'm struggling to envision it!

Edited

You are not derailing, it's such a weird thing, please ask all you want.

I dealt with it but then would go away and cry and shake and the whole time DS was unwell was just massively stressful and I wouldn't eat the whole time, obsessively cleaned etc etc but I did it. It's amazing what you can do. DS was drunk on Xmas Eve and I stayed awake the whole night in fear he would be sick. It never goes away but you just kind of do it. The constant fear is probably worse than the reality. Probably.

OP posts:
toomanyleggings · 27/12/2023 22:39

@MadCatLady27 if you see my post above you do power through it when you become a mother. It’s like exposure therapy. I still get goosebumps/ cold sweat with it and will feel sickly and don’t eat much when there’s a stomach bug in the house and as I said above I also tell myself this is a sign my dc’s body is working the way it should and I rid itself of a virus. It is different when it’s your own because the desire to comfort, the motherly instinct overrides the fear of the vomit. For me anyway.

Mountainpika · 27/12/2023 22:54

Hypnotherapy could be an answer. Forget all the myths about being made to do silly things - it's all rubbish and a put-up job. But solution focused hypnotherapy with a well qualified hypnotherapist can be life changing. It's helped me way more than I ever though possible. (Other problems, not those under discussion) The one I see is brilliant at his work.

Halloweenrainbow · 27/12/2023 22:57

It would seem stomach bugs hit Mumsnetters at a more severe and frequent rate than the general population judging by the number of threads on the subject. I'm on day two of cramps and diarrhoea but I don't think its a bug, rather an IBS type flare-up caused by xmas stress, and irresponsible eating choices over the last week. I'm in my 40s and only ever been sick on Christmas once age 10 with a migraine.

Jumpingthruhoops · 28/12/2023 01:04

Bookridden · 27/12/2023 20:10

But is this a benzo that doctors will refuse to prescribe?

They shouldn't refuse to prescribe it... but many do because it can be addictive. However, it wasn't addictive for me. I took it daily for about six months, then tapered VERY slowly over about three months (of my own accord) until I was fully off.

I wouldn't hesitate to take it again - and I'm historically someone who's against meds/drugs of any kind.

Crishell · 28/12/2023 01:23

Emetophobia is a very tough nut to crack.

I've tried all sorts to beat it. I've followed the Thrive Programme, even spent 1k working with a coach and here I am, still scared of being sick.

I know what it is though, and I won't blame the programmes. They're very good.

It's the fact that it stems from some very unhelpful thinking patterns and beliefs which are so deeply ingrained it takes a lot of effort and willpower to shift.
Any little 'blip' I had or bad day, I'd assume it's because it doesn't work and I'd assume nothing works. It put me several steps back every time and I just lost faith in the programme and myself.

So I gave up eventually and now I'm living with it again.
I wish I could have faith that this phobia can be 'cured', but I'm not there yet and it doesn't matter what any therapist, hypnotherapist, psychiatrist or coach says, if I don't believe I can get rid of it, there isn't much they can say or do to help me.

It's a properly shit phobia. Properly shit.

MadCatLady27 · 29/12/2023 23:57

Thank you to those who commented on my worry about my emetophobia and it potentially impacting on having children, have saved this thread and will also start my own when we start trying - it sounds a very common phobia, I completely understand the goosebumps and feeling sick if someone around you is - a lot of the time I think my feeling sick from it is because I'm getting anxiety because there's sick 🤢

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