Why do ppl buy presents for gobshites?

[TKRedLemonade]

Every year there are a million posts from ppl upset that their partners bought them nothing….ok I get it the first time but the ones it’s year after year? Why do you continue to buy them presents??? After one year I’d be “ok we don’t do presents that’s fine” and I’d buy myself something,

I get the devastation that comes with the realisation your partner is selfish but why oh why do ppl continue to buy those gobshites things? (Not taking about the DV households as is suspect that’s a tiny minority of the ppl complaing)

just spent the present money on yourself, wrap it and see how they like it Christmas morning

Some people like gifting. Others don't.

Quite. If I was bothered about presents and DH didn't get me anything, I certainly wouldn't buy him anything.

As it stands, we don't buy anything for each other, but this is agreed between us in advance. And if I said to him "I'd like a present this year", he'd buy me one.

I get the devastation that comes with the realisation your partner is selfish but why oh why do ppl continue to buy those gobshites things?

It's never even "just" a present though is it?

It's a weekend away, an expensive meal, designer clothes and a marching band parade down the local high street in their honour - even though the OP themselves has never got so much as a card for the last 25 years.

Yep. Same with birthdays and Father's Day/Mother's Day.

"I always go all out for him".

Well stop because you know it won't be reciprocated.

I have an Ex who was like this. He'd forget, or he was broke or blah blah excuse. One Christmas, I'd had enough. Presents wrapped and under the tree. Come Christmas morning, he told he hadn't had time to get me anything! So busy!! I was like.... Oh, that's fine. These are all for me!

He was not a happy bunny, but I was sick of him playing the same games so I decided to beat him at a different one. We split up not long after, thankfully.

Well if your self esteem is low enough to stay in a relationship with a DP that doesn't care about your feelings, isn't actively invested in your happiness and doesn't know enough about what you do in the day to day, or even actually like as a person then presumably the problem is much bigger and the presents just happen because it's the routine/habit.

I do think it's the case often that people in bad relationships or with DP's who give them crumbs, are often just living in hope that at some point these people will see their value or if they explain it one more timeor lead by example it will sink in - it won't.

I know right. I don't feel a bit sorry for them. More fool you for doing it twice.

@dontgobaconmyheart

I can relate to this with my DFather and at least one long-term sticky friendship which I have tried to end but she tracks me down and cries at me.
The thing DFather and Dfriend have in common is they both fear rejection and can get nasty when they feel rejected.
I no longer let ppl like this into my life, and no longer buy them nice gifts, but can't shake them off without causing wider rifts.

I agree with all you say. Love the word gobshites, are you Irish by any chance as use that word a lot.