Kids don't want to have anything to do with their Dad?

[mutin]

They refuse to stay at his home . Say it's damp, mouldy, cold and the rooms assigned to them are used for storage and laundry.
Refuse a casual coffee, lunch, weekend away to see his parents etc.
Say he has anger issues, aggressive, critical and not picking.
Won't give them a pound and pays Mum minimal maintenance and zero contribution my o big hitters eg education, health etc
There are two kids. Teens.
He disagrees with all the above except for monies. That is factually correct.
He doesn't push to meet them, hasn't looked for any legal frameworks to insist
On court ordered access even when they were small.
Mum has kids 24/7 and seemingly encouraged kids to have relationship with their Dad.
Where does the truth lie here?
Is it in the actions of the kids?

What reason do the kids have to lie about how they feel? I wouldn't want to go stay in a mouldy cold room full of boxes and laundry either. Sounds like the kids have a handle on dad's behaviour and have decided that's not the type of person they want to be around. Nothing wrong with that

You don't say the ages of the kids but it sounds like they're old enough to know whats what and to express their feelings about this. I would tend to believe them and not force them to have a relationship with him. Its very sad that he doesn't seem to give much of a shit though.

Sorry you did say teens.

YABU

The "truth" is their dad is crap and as a result they aren't interested.
I'd have close to zero interest too.

Part of being a good parent is listening to and hearing your childs needs.

Why isn't he listening to them and addressing the accommodation issue?
People don't randomly make up things like damp and mould. Cheap dirty Herbert's do willfully ignore it's existence though.

Why isn't he asking them what they would like to do with their weekends?
I wouldn't want to be dragged to sit in my grandparents house when I was 14 either....

Why doesn't he want to understand why his kids think he has anger issues???

Why won't he put his hand in his pocket for something as basic as his childrens health (eg teeth)??? Hint: it's not a priority for him.

It's very easy to make offers which you know won't be taken up and that if they are that suit you because they are convenient / easy / cheap. You can then sit back and say well I tried!
It's harder to make an actual effort and invest time money and energy into your children doing something they like.

I'd be fascinated to know if he knows:
their fave subjects
Any teachers names
Any friends names
Favourite bands / YouTubers / IG or tiktokers.
Latest news on how their hobbies are progressing
Favourite foods
Any of the details of their "real" life

As teenagers they are old enough to have volition and make informed choices.

Why would the teens make up a lie about their rooms being used for laundry and storage?

Tbh though, the only fact that really matters is the teenagers, who are old enough to make up their own mind, don't want to go.