Is it worth talking to school about?

[Woodenmouse87]

My ex husband tries to make my life hell. He's done all sorts of crazy stuff in the 5 years we've been seperated. His wife is just as bad. He doesn't pay any CM or help towards anything for the children. We have 3 DC together. Our oldest now refuses to go to his dads most of the time. School are aware that things aren't good between us as I've tried to get a restraining order and social services stepped in and spoke to school about the DC receiving additional support.
So at Christmas the local church give supermarket gift vouchers to the school to give to low income parents. I got a text on Wednesday saying one was available for me toncollect, which I did. Today exh text me and said school had also text him about the voucher and I now owe him half (it was a £40 voucher). I told him he must be joking as he never pays anything towards the kids but he's insisting. I don't knownwhy he waited to bring it up until today.
So would I be unreasonable to email the school and ask them to only contact me about these sorts of things to prevent issues between myself and exh or should I just ignore it.
It sounds petty but I'm sick of him using any little thing to cause an issue.

Yanbu. And just ignore him. Cheeky bugger

The bare faced cheek of the man - ignore him.

He sounds like a piece of work OP, I am sorry that he is being so difficult.

Maybe say: l will discuss it with the school to check if they meant you to have half. These guys usually like to pretend to others they are great guys so that might shut him up. Otherwise ignore him. You don't have to even reply.
And yes do ask school to only contact you in these situations as it only opens you up to more abuse.

Definitely let the school know not to contact him

In this instance, I think messaging the school for clarification would be a good idea.
Almost in a, both of us have received notification of these vouchers, can it please be explained what the point of them is? Would it be for the parent where the children are in their main home to feed them their lunches throughout Christmas period, or are they intended so that families with split up parents are to share them equally despite them having the children less?

It has been proposed to you that you should pay ex back 50% of the voucher amount, and you want to get clarification that you wouldn't be misusing the funds made available to people in your financial position.

They won't reply over Christmas, but I'd like to think you'll receive clarification that it's yours to spend on food for the kids during the holidays....I presume the kids are mostly with you.

Definitely ask for clarification as they notified both of you. Are they for the primary care giver or open season for him to claim?

What a dick. Yes you could let school know so they can be aware . And tell him it's for the kids not you or him so you have spent it on food and treats for them (or to go towards the cost of Christmas) and not on yourself

Did he try and collect a voucher from school or just go straight to harassing you?

Why does he not pay any child support or maintenance?
Does he have them as often as you?

He doesn't pay maintenance because him and his wife receive universal credit. I've rung CM for clarification as they own a cafe, but they say it's right.
Hes got enough money for a nice shiny new car though!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. We do supermarket vouchers like these at my school and although they’re donated to the family as a whole, the idea is that the money is spent on the children/ensuring that everyone in the home with the children can get a treat. Obviously how parents choose to spend it is out of our hands. Given that the £40 is to be spent on the kids, I’m not sure why he needs £20 of it since all £40 would be going to the children anyway?? You could try to placate him by saying you’ll make sure the kids know that whatever is bought is from both of you? I’m

It sounds like you’re both down as the Primary (main) contact though which is unusual. If that’s the case then any communication from the school (email, text, reports) will automatically go to you both. In our system only one person can be identified as Primary contact and for separated parents, our office staff have a note of who they need to go in and manually provide communication to.

Legally, it’s very tricky for us to make changes. I’ve had parents/carers over the years request that no information is shared with the other parent or that they’re removed from the contact list but without a court order, we can’t actually do this.

I think it’s definitely worth you having a conversation with the school about it though. We always appreciate info like this being shared with us. They might be able to ensure a voucher like this goes to you only next time. It’s a shame that a nice gesture has now become a source of stress for you though.

I can't stomach humans that don't pay for their kids.

Tell him to do one and shop him and his mrs for benefit fraud...

I would ask the school not to contact him about things like that. It should be easy enough for them to do because communication like that is only for a few parent/carers, rather than a whole school communication. They should be sensitive to your situation and the impact communication like this can have.