First Christmas alone due to divorce proceedings

[FreshStart90]

I’m just feeling a bit sad and need a hand hold. Going through a divorce and it’s just going to be me and the kids at home. No other family and can’t spend it with friends as they will be with their own families. I just feel like I will give the kids a crap Christmas because their dad is no longer living with us and because I’m a mess and don’t even know how to make it special for them on my own. Please help - any advice on what I can do with my kids this Christmas at home? (on a near zero budget). Thank you

The kids are with you so it's a great Christmas. Have fun and relish every minute together.

Open presents in your PJ's, have chocolate for breakfast, eat food that they love, play game, laugh and smile, enjoy no drama and having your kids with you. Hug them as often as you can. It will be wonderful

Sending you a hug. Don’t go to all the trouble of a traditional Christmas meal marathon if your kids are little. Get some fresh air in the morning. Do a favourite meal at a time that suits, and then flop with games and movies. If you have Santa-aged kids, don’t stay up late on Christmas Eve - I found it lonely and sad creeping out to the car to take things out of hiding places and doing it on my own. Go to bed early. Set an alarm for like 2am, do what has to be done, and snuggle back for another four hours. Have a loose plan for the day itself, as it can be long, so break it down into chunks. Have you family to FaceTime with, or to visit? Schedule that for early in the day if you can, so that you can just chill out after the intense part is over. Hope you have a dishwasher!

Aw i understand how you feel but im divorced too, with a 5 yr old, last 3 years, we have had christmas day, just us two. People always seem surprised but we both are looking forward to this year. Its a day of absolutely time together, playing games which we dont do much other times of the year. The last 2 years i just did chicken as it was easy and she didnt eat turkey and i didnt want to leave her alone for long periods of time cooking but attempting turkey this year as she likes it now. Honestly, you may feel a loss this year but im sure you will embrace the new christmas and the kids will too. You are there, they are there, this is still family time. Hope you find some joy in the day x

I was really dreading my first Christmas just me and the kids - but it was great. No pressures and just got on with it. Not as scary as I imagined.

Thank you so much to everyone who has replied! This has really raised my spirits, I’ve been so down lately and haven’t even broken the news to the kids that dad has gone for good (or rather been kicked out) as it wouldn’t be the right time, and I’ve gone into debt to get them a small few presents as STBXH gives absolutely nothing so I’ve really struggled and will make sure we do lots of free stuff like going to the park or on a walk to see the Xmas lights, followed by games and their favourite Xmas film 😊

I really miss our family Xmas but this year I'm spending it with my best mate and her dd - we've gone halves on Xmas dinner and we'll spend the day together. We're gonna have Buck's Fizz in the opening while we all open our presents, we're gonna have a leisurely dinner, wine and fizz , and play games . We did same last year and it was great .

I adore neighbours kiddo and she wants me there for present opening at 7.30 am ! She's bought and wrapped presents for me and I've got her stuff and her mum - we're gonna have a fab day .

I do miss family Xmas, but things change . Just make the most of the day .

Well it's like this for most single parents, make your own memories and traditions.

Anyone in same boat you can double up with?

That's saved my Xmas . My kids are adult so I'd have been alone - this way I get to join someone else and have fun .
Any other single parents you know ?

Yes actually I do know a couple of other single mums with similar aged kids. That’s a good idea thank you

Have a lovely time, and be glad that you are free of the arsehole!! x

If you can’t get to anyone’s house can you at least Zoom another adult/family, perhaps someone in the same or a similar situation? In our family, Family Christmas Zoom is an institution if you’ve got grandparents or siblings/nephews/nieces who would be up for it. Breaks the day up a bit.

I’m divorced but no kids, the early Christmases after we split were tough but it definitely gets better. Don’t beat yourself up for finding it a challenge. I agree if kids are small no need to go all out on the food front, one or two festive items and some decorations will make a sense of occasion.

Loneliness is a sympton of divorce. So is poverty. I spent many Christmases with just my daughter. Honestly, divorce is hard and not to be taken lightly.

@SALWARP2023 I'm sure she's well rid and didn't take it lightly, that wasn't a terribly helpful comment.

OP, it sounds nice to have a quiet christmas with your kids, you're not alone :) How about a cheap craft like potato stamps, or baking cookies ? Then some movies and popcorn.

Wonderful ideas and such helpful and kind comments thank you all!

yes this divorce is absolutely going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I appreciate those telling me it’s not to be taken lightly, it does help to know how others felt the sheer pain of it but got through it in the end, as I’m sure I will, just glad to not be having to put up with his arsehole behaviour for the rest of my life!

presents are wrapped and ready to go for the morning, I think a Christmas film, a play in the playground and a walk, some arts and crafts and lots of sweet treats/junk will keep the kids very happy indeed.

happy Christmas everyone 😊

OP my ex-H walked out on Christmas Eve when my children were both under 2. That first Christmas, putting on a brave face for them, was hard. It took away my love of Christmas for some time. It does get easier in time, I promise you. 5 years on we spent today doing Christmas cooking, sneakily opened some present early, played games, built lego, curled up by the fire watching Christmas films. Tomorrow will be ransacking of stockings then opening presents from me. I agree keep food simple or (for future years) go out for lunch. I love to cook but don't want to spend Christmas Day doing it, I want to focus entirely on time with my children because we get so little of it during the normal routine. Enjoy being together and watching their excitement and happy faces. Live in the moment and let yourself laugh and forget all the difficult stuff for a while. They will be what gets you through this. I hope you have a lovely day.

How was your Christmas @FreshStart90 ?

It was actually really lovely thank you! I took everyone’s advice - just made the kids their favourite meal instead of faffing around with complicated things they won’t even enjoy! Then we watched back to back Christmas movies, ate lots of popcorn and snacks and played a few games in between. It also felt lovely not to have to pander to the needs of the STBXH! Hope everyone else had a lovely Christmas too?

That sounds absolutely perfect! So pleased to hear you managed to relax and enjoy it. We've had a similarly lazy time and it's been great! ⭐️🎄☃️❄️

Very similar here @FreshStart90 , for similar reasons...and yes for me apart from seeing the kids enjoy themselves, the best bit was not having to run around XH and his moodiness. All the very best for 2024 xx

Sounds perfect, well done and thanks for the update !