Not going to in laws on Christmas

[avwy1996]

I probably am but just looking for the opinion of someone looking at the situation.

My DP and I always rotate between my parents and his at Christmas. Last year was mine and this year was supposed to be his. Bit of a back story, last year I had my DS the week before Christmas and the in laws came down in the morning and we went to my family. I ended up having a c-section so felt rubbish and shattered and we were home after a couple of hours.

This year my grandparents decided they would host. I spoke to DP asking if we could go as they hadn't hosted in years and they probably would only be hosting this one time. He was happy to go and let his family know and I suggested they come down in the morning and if do breakfast for everyone and spend some time.

Fast forward to this week. There is an issue with my grandparents house meaning they can't host so my parents are now having to. In laws aren't aware of this yet. They want us to go to their house before we go to my side which would only give us 2 hours from when my son wakes up to having to leave to get to theirs at a decent time. So we would realistically only have an hour tops to spend with our DS on his first proper Christmas. I've told DP I don't want to be running around mad going from A to B and not getting the time with DS. He feels stuck in the middle which is obviously hard but I just feel we should be having our own Christmas morning with our DS in his house and if anyone wants to join they are more than welcome.

Next year we will be at the in laws and my parents will pop onto us in the morning. Sorry for how long this is but I just am frustrated that no one really is thinking about our new family getting a nice Christmas morning

Honestly, unless the two of you really like this rota of going to the two sets of parents on alternate years, put a stop to it now. It can become a joyless obligation instead of a lovely happy day. In your case, it's already leading to "but we went to theirs last year" awkwardness.

When you have kids, you spend Christmas morning in your own home if that's what you want. Make the decision now and stick to it. If they have anything to say, just state they've had their children, now it's your turn. You seem more than reasonable by saying they are welcome to come to yours if they'd like. Arguing anything above and beyond that, makes her totally unreasonable.

Zombie thread!

Whilst previous posters are saying in laws missed a year, they really didn't if they saw you on Christmas day , and especially one week post section! Last year you saw both sets on the day itself.

Our rule is it's just us on Christmas day and I'm glad of the respite tbh, there are plenty of days around Christmas to catch up with family. I'd be inclined to say you're going nowhere and just staying home. I'll warn you given your DS will be one the week before Christmas you're going to be knackered anyway and both sides will have already seen you. Our December baby is still only little and we found by Christmas day she is overwhelmed with the volume of presents she has had to open and doesn't want to do it anymore, she just wants to chill out and play with what she already has! She's already been dragged around a load of family events and light walks and the like and was happiest in her pjs watching some Disney.

No kids but started as we meant to go on, which is that we are a family unit. That was 30 years ago, seriously, stop chasing your tail. It's only one day!

I’m not saying this to be shitty because we alternate too, but I couldn’t imagine saying to my other half that we can’t take the baby to see his parents on Christmas Day, I think it’s quite unfair on them. Could they come to you for a hour or so to see the baby, I appreciate he’ll only be very young but so is mine and it means a lot to grandparents to see the little ones over the festive period.

Family were always about 5 hours away when DC were young (or a flight away when my parents moved to Spain) so no way we could travel to them on Christmas Day. We tended to alternate between mine and DH's families but it was always a several days trip usually involving traveling up there before Christmas Eve and staying over.. Non negotiable that we would not be leaving the house at all on Christmas Day.

As the DC got older we started having more Chrismasses at home as they wanted to spend time with friends. Also did a few trips away too.

We always felt free to decide where we went based on what suited us. Family never put any pressure on us, they were just glad to see us when we had the time.

Now DC are in their 20s they still freely choose to spend Christmas Day at home. They both have long term partners, and DD lives with hers, but they decided as couples to spend Christmas Day with their own parents. No pressure from us and I have made clear I won't get upset no matter where they choose to spend the day.

Now you have a young family that you really need to decide what suits you at Christmas. I'm sure you see plenty of both families throughout the year.

@SouthernBelle2 Yes I am looking at you! Why? Just why do people do this? This thread is months old. How did you even find it much less decide it was a good idea to revive it.

To everyone else. IT IS A ZOMBIE

Haha it just came up on my feed

Yeah sometimes Mumsnet throws ancient curveballs at you! I was recommended one today from 2016. Not always feeling observant enough to notice.