not listening when i say don’t buy me a gift

[silverspoonspoon]

i’m really anxious about this as was fine about it but now that christmas is closer i feel guilty. my finances have been really crap for a couple of years now as been on/off maternity leave and just trying to get through the sahm years with 2 under 2. i asked my family (sister, parents, etc) to not bother with me for christmas because i can’t afford to return the favour - if i were to buy them gifts they’d have to go on credit cards and my income is so low that i can’t even get approved for credit cards if i wanted to! i have no idea about other family but i know my parents have bought me a lot (they do every year) and i just feel kind of awkward about it as they’re coming to my house on christmas morning to watch my kids open their gifts and they’ll give me my gifts and i have nothing to return. i just feel really bad and don’t know what to say to them. i said the same last year and they didn’t listen either, i think they think it’s no biggy but to me i just feel guilty

Please don't feel guilty. If I buy someone a gift it's because I want to, not because I want something in return, I'm sure your family feel the same.
People get genuine joy from giving, so by accepting you are adding to their happiness.
I'm sorry you have had a tough time financially.

Please don’t feel bad. Gifts aren’t about equity of you love someone. It’s about the joy of treating them, or meeting their need/desire.

Will you begrudge your dc gifts when they are older? Bet you won’t- you’ll want to give them something.

true i really wouldn’t mind if my dc were the ones not buying me a gift in the future. i just feel so mean 😅

I've been on both sides - received gifts when I can't reciprocate and felt guilty. But I've also bought gifts knowing the recipient couldn't reciprocate, and I only did so because I wanted them to feel treated at a time when I knew times were tough, because I've been there too.

Don't feel guilty. Your parents just want to show you they love you and to treat you, regardless of your inability to reciprocate.

Could you make them something nice tomorrow from the kids that wont cost much?

Handprints of the kids, print off a lovely photo of them and put in a cheap frame or something? You can get lovely frames for a few pounds in places like The Range. It would show you appreciate what they gift you without you having to spend a lot of money.

I'm your parents in this situation. I know my DD can't afford to buy presents. I'd rather she kept her money for things she needs.
So I like to buy for her, because I can afford it, and I want to treat her. I have to practically beg her not to buy me stuff. Her company is the best present she can give me.
Let your family do this for you. Enjoy your Christmas x

Your parents are probably delighted to buy you something!! I’m always telling my kids not to buy me things because I don’t need another thing, but I’m delighted to be able to treat them.

Gifts don’t need to be reciprocal.

Enjoy Christmas with your little ones and the grandparents!

You gift is letting them experience the joy of giving a present to you. It sounds naff but my favourite part of Christmas is watching my children, who are teenagers now, open gifts I have got them. I don’t want any pantomime of them acting super excited or pleased. I just get pleasure from the fact I have got them something I hope they will like.

You have done absolutely the right thing, especially the explaining (that you cannot reciprocate) . Please do not feel bad. Your loved ones would be so much more upset thinking that you were spending money you don't really have on them. They would even be upset that you are stressing about it. I say this to my kids who are on minimum wage, zero hours contracts, and I really mean it. People, especially parents, and family DO get pleasure from buying their loved ones / children something for Christmas, and to deny them the pleasure can be a bit sad for them - so let them do it. Let them treat you, one day, eventually, I promise, it will be your turn to do it back. Enjoy your time with people you love. xx

Write something nice in a card. Honestly my DD chose and wrote out some quotes in a card and it means the world to me. It shows thoughtfulness.

Agree with everyone else. If someone close or special to me says that, I would absolutley still buy a gift and be explicit in that there was no expectation to return the favour.

I am in a similar position. Asked my husband not to do gifts this year, as we are moving house soon and there will be so many expenses in the next few months. I also really don’t want or need anything. He ignored me and bought me gifts. I bought him nothing and I feel so bad. I’m sure he thought he was being nice but all he did was make me feel guilty, stingy and uncaring which I’m not.
I think it’s not fair to ignore ‘no gifts’ request as you are really putting the person receiving the gift in a very awkward position.

Do not feel bad op.

they want to give you something and they do not expect anything in return

don't worry about it

It's lovely of your parents to buy you something, but I think money would be more useful to you at the moment. Just think how it would be when your children are older and have their own children. You will want to treat them all and you won't care less about getting a gift in return. When you reach their age, you have pretty much what you want anyway and the very last thing they would want is for you to go broke buying them a present they don't even need.