Ready for divorce?

[MW82]

For some background, I’ve lost my sibling this year- we were very close and done everything together literally best friends, she was a second mum to my children and I’m massively feeling the loss. I know I’ve not been the funnest person to be around nor the prettiest as I haven’t worn make up or had an ounce of energy.

My DH has been so unsupportive not stepping up to help with anything knowing I’m really struggling, I did sympathise that he maybe just doesn’t get it, doesn’t know how to help and is at a loss etc etc. But it did hurt me…

Recently we were on the sofa and I glanced over whilst he was on social media and seen lots of half naked women pics and profiles- again turned a blind eye, another night same thing and when I questioned he got so defensive and literally lied to my face that I was seeing things! I asked to show me his messages and he permanently deleted the whole social media account and said it was because it causes nothing but drama. For the background I’ve never checked his phone or asked to see anything before as I had no reason to.

A few weeks following this I noticed more and more he wouldn’t leave his phone down, guarded it and when one of the kids asked for YouTube etc he said no (again this is new) I then brought this up the next evening and he again went ballistic- I asked in the heat of the moment then for him to show me his phone if he had nothing to hide and he wouldn’t he literally started to pack his bags and said he was leaving! He then said after about 15 mins that now I could check the phone- I told him I’m not a total idiot and obviously whatever was on the phone was now deleted.

He’s turned this round on me again that I’m dramatic and that he has nothing to hide as he was only looking at Instagram videos and pictures but I now feel I don’t trust him at all and he was clearly hiding something else to delete the whole account!

In my head I think I’ve had a low period not been 100% as a wife and a mum and the first thing he’s done is go looking for another woman! Would you make him leave when he’s not willing to be honest with whatever was going?

He’s lied. Only you can decide if you want to continue the relationship.

He’s lying. That is obvious. I couldn’t be with someone who lies like that.

I really feel for you. It's the lying that makes you sick. It sounds like he has checked out sexually and/or romantically. And you can't have a relationship based on lies (especially not so insultingly obvious ones).

I would want to leave because it sounds like he doesn't want to stop and has little respect or care for how it makes you feel.

But with kids, only you know what to do. Life is not as easy as throwing his stuff out the window or you flouncing out the door. I am in a similar situation and it has taken me nearly a year to process.

I am sorry OP, this is horrible. I had this with ex. I saw a sexy text come through on his phone. I gave him every chance to tell me what was going on, then when he went off to work I got into his laptop and recovered everything recently deleted and from his search history. He was picking up women on online chat rooms. I didn't have kids so did a spectacular same day french exit and had moved out by the time he got home from work (didn't have much stuff in those days, I could do it in one car load!).

I would get through Christmas day for the kids' sake, but then unless you're prepared to put up with it you're eventually either going to have to do some detective work or confront him, which may potentially mean having to throw him out.