Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Insensitive Birthday Present

26 replies

CB2611 · 23/12/2023 21:54

CB2611 · Today 21:49

DP dad bought me an expensive electric toothbrush for my birthday. I hate to be ungrateful but it has ruined my birthday. I brush my teeth twice a day religiously but due to an eating disorder in my early 20s, they are not in the best condition. I acted grateful for the present but I was mortified. I now feel like my DPs family have all been talking about the state of my teeth and he's bought me a toothbrush as a hint. My self esteem has hit the floor.

I have never been ungrateful and I feel horrible for being sad about a present when DPs dad didn't have to buy anything at all and I'm lucky he gets me birthday presents.

OP posts:
BathsAreBliss · 23/12/2023 22:04

Oh. This is such a tricky one! Honestly I think he just had his man head on and thought “this is a great deal” where loads of electric toothbrushes are discounted in the run up to Christmas, and he knows You’l use it! Maybe he goes into your bathroom and see’s your manual toothbrushes and knows you don’t already have one?

My teeth are similar to yours and I’d love one! Any hygiene or beauty product gift would bring out insecurities - I do understand that. If they are genuinely nice people, i would assume good intentions

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/12/2023 22:07

I bought myself one recently, unlike it so much. I bought one for each of my adult children. It certainly wasn't a reflection on their teeth!

Original poster
CB2611 · 23/12/2023 22:09

Thank you. I needed to hear this. He would never mean any malice or bad feeling and has always gifted the most thoughtful presents. I'm so self conscious about my teeth so receiving a toothbrush as a birthday present hurt so terribly.

OP posts:
Cattenberg · 23/12/2023 22:10

My parents once bought me an electric toothbrush for Christmas, because they have electric toothbrushes themselves and think they’re excellent. I don’t think it had anything to do with the condition of my teeth.

Maybe DP’s dad just thought it would make a good, useful present?

mynameiscalypso · 23/12/2023 22:10

I bought my DH a water flosser one year. No reflection on his teeth whatsoever, just couldn't think what else to get him and wanted something practical.

Mercedes45 · 23/12/2023 22:11

I've bought them for 3 people for christmas/birthdays. Couldn't even tell you what condition their teeth are in. I think it's a great gift

Whataretheodds · 23/12/2023 22:13

It's highly unlikely that he bought you that to make a comment on your teeth.

MissHavershamReturns · 23/12/2023 22:16

I just bought one for my secondary school age ds because I think he will love it as he’s gadget obsessed. His teeth are stunning and no fillings.

Op I understand why this made you feel like it did but you know what most men are like. He won’t even have registered about your teeth, I wouldn’t think.

MissHavershamReturns · 23/12/2023 22:17

So I voted yabu but only to reassure you it definitely won’t be because he is thinking about your teeth Flowers

TwinklingLightsEverywhere · 23/12/2023 22:20

I've been bought an electric toothbrush a few times over the years. I've no visible teeth issues and hadn't mentioned wanting one. I was very pleased, at least it's something I'd use.

Since you can't know his motivation think the best if him.

Kitkatcatflap · 23/12/2023 22:21

This is the sort of thing my DH used to do - he loves a practical present. Our 16 year old asked him for suggestion and he said a car warmer. I think you are reading too much into it - it wouldn't be an insult, it would because he has one and loves it or he thinks it's a good idea because he would like it.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 23/12/2023 22:22

I bought my Dad one last year. It was a "I have no idea what to buy you" gift. Something practical and he'd use. That was my only thought process.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/12/2023 22:22

I hope you have made a full recovery from your eating disorder. Those things are real bastards aren't they?

If somebody bought you an expensive moisturiser, would you think that they thought your skin wasn't very good? If they bought you body lotion, would you think they thought your skin was dry? Everybody has a toothbrush and they clearly found a really good one and thought you would like it. I think you're worrying too much about this.

MahShinyShoes · 23/12/2023 22:27

I guarantee it's because there were some cracking deals on electric toothbrushes over black Friday & it eas nothing to do with your teeth!

He's thought - 'quality present at a bargain price... CB2 will love it!'
And not realised he's hit an insecurity.

Enjoy your gift - they are great!

mumda · 23/12/2023 22:33

We've got some coming tomorrow. All on offer currently and recommended by your dentist.

No offence was intended.

Alargeoneplease89 · 23/12/2023 22:36

Electric toothbrushes are the best for teeth hygiene. I've not got the best teeth due to health conditions and have made me feel so much better about mine.

baytreelane23 · 23/12/2023 22:38

If it's an consolation I received this from my in laws this evening! How nice 🤔

I'm sure there was kindness intended, op. 🥰

Insensitive Birthday Present
Original poster
CB2611 · 23/12/2023 22:41

Thank you all for your messages. Every single one has helped me. I was mortified but tried to tell myself to not overthink. I'm currently say in bed with teeth whitener on after using said toothbrush 🤣 DPs dad is the most kind man and wouldn't give a passive aggressive gift so I have definitely let my own already existing insecurities overshadow the kind gift. Another family member bought me some beautiful pyjamas but a few sizes too small so if I want to use the same logic as I did to the toothbrush present, they think I'm thin! 😀

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 23/12/2023 22:48

I've just bought one for my son he has beautiful teeth. I think you're perhaps reading too much into this. It is a good present

Rightsraptor · 23/12/2023 23:18

I've asked for a new electric toothbrush for Christmas. I take good care of my teeth & gums now because I'm too frightened not to: dental work is horrendously expensive. My dentist and hygienist tell me electric toothbrushes are definitely the best type to use.

OP - we all brush our teeth. It's not as though you've been given something niche. It just so happens it's touched on a sensitive issue for you. You say he's a kind man, so assume he's acting through the best of motives. It certainly sounds as though he is.

Merry Christmas! X

sprigatito · 23/12/2023 23:22

Honestly, unless he's an exceptionally cruel person (surely you would know by now!) there's no way he would buy you an electric toothbrush because he thinks there's something wrong with your teeth! Quite the opposite. I would only buy one for someone if I thought they would really like one, so someone who takes good care of themselves and is very clean etc.

dontgobaconmyheart · 23/12/2023 23:23

I do think that these days electric toothbrushes have simply made it into common gift giving as a sort of gifting electrical item. He'd not have meant all of this by it OP, you know that. Sounds like a dad who's bought a bit of tech as a gift because they're advertised and on offer everywhere as 'star gifts' on places like Boots or Amazon.

I got one from my parents last year and I bought DP one as a gift too as an upgrade. I'd not for one moment have thought or meant that he needed to up his dental game.

FuckinghellthatsUnbelievable · 23/12/2023 23:28

I think they are a normal gift. Possibly he has seen you still use a manual and thought you might like an upgrade. Practical, will be used, on special offer so looks like I'm generous, pleasantly generic so can be regifted if unwanted.

I'd quite like anew electric toothbrush.

SemperIdem · 23/12/2023 23:33

It’s definitely not been bought for the reasons you’re worrying about.

They’re practical and regarded as something everyone would like in that sense, plus there’s always a deal.

Please try not to overthink this!

I don’t like them personally, but have been told by my dentist that I should use one because I brush too aggressively with a manual toothbrush. Quite literally brushing my gums off 😶

Swishyfishy · 23/12/2023 23:34

he will have given an electric toothbrush either because he desperately wants one or he likes his existing electric toothbrush. It will be given with a good heart because he’s a nice man