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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried about DH various health issues?

10 replies

UncleBunclesHouse · 23/12/2023 21:35

It seems that since our first child was born 4 years ago he’s been pretty consistently ‘off’ in some way health-wise.

Almost always having IBS/bowel problems, bad back, debilitating headaches, and a pretty much constant neck/shoulder/base of skull pain. Generally the norm is feeling shit. An odd ‘good day’ is immediately followed by another day of headaches/neck pain, escalating digestive problems etc.

We’ve been out this evening and got some nice family photos and looking back at them he doesn’t look great at all. Just grey in the face.

No weight loss. Cleared on the bowel issues via colposcopy (sp?). General blood tests fine. Part of me wonders if he has depression, he insists not, but sometimes will say he thinks some of the symptoms could be stress related. He has seen a physio, chiropractor and had acupuncture with limited success.

He is being a man about it and moaning a lot but also not doing a great deal proactively to address the issues. It’s really starting to both drag the family down and worry me quite a lot. Does it sound like I am right to be concerned?? He gets snappy if I push him about it and insists I am wrong and to stop Google/armchair diagnosing him with things.

I know he is an adult and is responsible for himself and needs to make his own decisions, but any suggestions, advice on how I can be most helpful to move us out of this would be greatly appreciated. I keep feeling like I’m going to burst into tears.

OP posts:
UncleBunclesHouse · 23/12/2023 21:45

I suppose the vote is - am I being unreasonable to be worried and to try to do something? Or does this all sound fairly usual and I am overthinking/ need to let an adult deal with their own problems as they see fit!

OP posts:
Catza · 23/12/2023 21:48

What do you want him to do “proactively” about it? Sounds like he has been to the doctors and various other professionals. How much more proactive can he really get?

UncleBunclesHouse · 23/12/2023 21:55

Maybe do exercises to help free up the neck? Try some diet and lifestyle changes?

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UncleBunclesHouse · 23/12/2023 22:00

I forgot one - also suspect sleep apnea. But he won’t investigate as ‘I don’t want to end up using a CPAP machine’

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InflatableSanta · 23/12/2023 22:02

I'd encourage him to go back to the doctor's again.

I got disheartened and stopped going after numerous appointments where I was told I couldn't possibly be ill because my blood tests were clear. I am so grateful DH kept pushing me (even if I ignored him for a long time Blush) because it turns out I had a serious (rare) condition

InflatableSanta · 23/12/2023 22:04

It's quite hard when you don't feel good but doctors say there's nothing wrong.

I know people who have been tested for coeliac etc and it's come back clear the first time, so a clear test certainly doesn't mean nothing wrong.

itsmylife7 · 23/12/2023 22:06

Yes, lots of those symptoms can be caused by extreme stress / depression.

Do you think he finds being a parent stressful, and would like to turn the clock back ?

UncleBunclesHouse · 23/12/2023 22:09

@InflatableSanta how did your DH approach it to make you continue pushing in the end? Thanks for sharing

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UncleBunclesHouse · 23/12/2023 22:11

@itsmylife7 I think he finds it hard yes. I do too tbh. Not the most natural mother. Definitely not turn the clock back though, he wanted them for longer than me and absolutely dotes on them. I think our life has become significantly more stressful with the kids plus changes to jobs though.

OP posts:
InflatableSanta · 23/12/2023 23:38

UncleBunclesHouse · 23/12/2023 22:09

@InflatableSanta how did your DH approach it to make you continue pushing in the end? Thanks for sharing

In the end an optician spotted what was wrong and ordered me to go to the GP asap (in fact I think they wrote to GP and GP booked my appointment!).

In fact it wouldn't do any harm to make sure he is getting eye tests and dentists etc done as needed as quite a few people I have shared my story with have told similar stories.

Sorry that probably doesn't fill you with hope. But it did help and I am grateful that DH was concerned about me and I think what stopped me going back was some of the drs made me feel embarrassed they were so strident in saying nothing was wrong . They would also give me patronising lifestyle lectures that made me feel it was my fault (it turns out it really really wasn't)

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