Feel like men only want me because they're desperate

[Icomewiththepressure]

This may be a self-esteem thing, but I feel like with the last few serious relationships I've had, they just desperately wanted a girlfriend/sex, rather than wanting me in particular. There's a new bloke who seems interested in me who appears to have been single for a while and I'm worried it'll just be the same. It's like they're tired of being single, I show them some attention and then they see me as their way to getting someone.
I believe I'm a good person who has things going for me, I can be shy but I just want someone to want me for me, not just because they want a girlfriend.
I don't know how to weed this type out though..

They've all been single for quite some time before getting together with me, and I feel like they're just getting frustrated.

This one may not be the same, maybe worth giving him a chance. If they are interested in your opinion of things, care about your welfare and comfort and happiness, that's a good start.

Thank you, I will definitely give him a chance, just hope I won't be disappointed again..
I'm sure it's self esteem because prior to my last relationship ending, I didn't have a serious relationship for 5 years.
During this time I did date, but it never went further than 1-2 months at most because they just didn't want a relationship with me.

You sound lovely, and yes some men can be like this - with all women not just you!

There is no foolproof way to entirely weed out this kind of man, but things to consider might be - don't show them too much attention, do too much for them, or be too keen. Make them work for your interest. Don't sleep with them too soon (unless you want a one time thing). Know your own worth. Yes you are a good person who is funny, kind and interesting. Don't continue to see anyone that doesn't see this in you. X

That's great advice, thank you. I'll just keep trying to work on my confidence. I have a tendency to be overly nice/accommodating/love helping people, and to be honest it probably hasn't done me any favours.

What were the signs that this was the case with your previous relationships?
Being single for some time isn’t actually a bad thing. I’d be way more suspicious if someone was jumping from one relationship to the next.

I used to be a bit too nice, too accomodating, too quick to offer to cook etc! I started having better relationships when I reigned it in a bit. Not quite, "Treat em mean, keep em keen" but you get the idea.

Why do you say they are not interested in you and just after a relationship?

They'd all previously lamented being single and sick of not being able to find a girlfriend, though as you've mentioned this isn't necessarily a red flag I suppose..
Apart from my very first boyfriend 14 years ago, I just don't feel like they've ever loved me as much I loved them, weren't the types who would do anything for me, and so on.
It's important to maintain your own life and not have an unhealthy dependency of course, but it's just a feeling I have about them.