To get the ick over this

[nomorebuttonuppjs]

My partner is a lovely guy in his mid 30s. He is an only child and very close to his widowed mother. He lives in his own house and holds down a responsible job.
All fine and dandy.
She likes to buy him his clothes - most of them - and he lets her.
I do worry there are some boundary issues. She is lonely and of course he adores her, but I think she has forgotten he is a grown up (and maybe he has too?)
Today she bought him button up pyjamas.
AIBU to feel rather turned off?

@TomatoSandwiches

Adam Sandler is worth $hundreds-of-millions.
He can dress any way he chooses.
He doesn’t need anyone’s approval.

Buy him an item of clothing for Christmas see if he wears it. If he doesn't there imo is the answer..

Yes. It seems to be a trendy thing now, to scream about a mundane thing.

They’re pyjamas. Unless they’ve got A picture of his mam in compromising pose on them, what’s the problem?

I'm in exactly the same position, apart from he does actually live with her.

Ours is a new relationship but it's starting to give me the ick too. Like you, I really value independence. I moved out of home at 15 and have lived independently since, so for the last 30 years. I can't help but see him as very childlike, even though he has a mature personality, a career and is solvent. His mum is even doing him a stocking (he's 44). I know it shouldn't matter but it creeps me out. So you're not alone!!

@Theredfoxfliesatmidnight I know. And it is not a problem with parents and adult children being close, of course that is fine, as are gifts!
When we met they still lived together.
I am cautious - waiting to see how it all develops. He is great in many ways, so that is hugely in his favour, but I am a little concerned his mum has no desire whatsoever to live her own life, so I am keeping my independence.
I think the pyjamas were just symbolic! (get me , going all GCSE English teacher!)

It is, it's a symbolic thing. Of course it's nice for families to be close, and to buy gifts. It just all seems a bit enmeshed, if you know what I mean?

Mine is a very early relationship (2 months) but I'm already having trouble seeing where I might "fit in", if that makes sense. There's no space I can occupy, no need I can fulfil - his mum is there to do everything already!

I think keeping your independence is a very good idea, I intend to do that too.

I wouldn't have a problem with things like PJs and the odd tshirt. My mum always likes to get my DH a jumper or something at Christmas, but he usually chooses it. Some jokey Star Wars PJ bottoms would be fine.

If she is totally curating his wardrobe though then that's a bit strange. It would make me think that she was either a bit controlling or that he is so useless, that she feels she has to do it because he would never buy anything new.

I am a big Adam Sandler fan but it is renowned that he has a serious lack of fashion sense, which is why I used him as an example.
I think everyone should feel comfortable enough to wear what they want but I find being dressed by mother as an adult off putting.

No one needs any others approval really.

This might be the thing that makes your relationship not work down the line. If she keeps being over attached to him (and other way around) you and any future kids might never become priority. She might the one 3rd wheel in your relationship and that will destroy it. So I think it's fair that you think of these things now as it's better to talk away now and you have more time to meet someone else.

Run. A man who can't be bothered to buy his own clothes is not a keeper.