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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like the only one who doesn't have kids at this time of year

24 replies

pootlefump · 23/12/2023 13:09

I know I'm feeling sorry for myself and that IABU but my life is pretty rubbish just now. It feels like everyone around me has their children coming home from uni or just generally excited for Christmas and I'm here on my own (I have a DH but he's out) cleaning the house for no-one but us. We will have a nice few days going to see family but just feel so jealous this time of year of people with their wonderful families getting together and being all festive. I have lots of friends and a generally decent life/hobbies etc but everything sort of stops at Christmas!

I know I'm being ridiculous and self pitying but just felt the need to post. BTW I'm a good 10 years post the fertile time and usually feel accepting of how life turned out without kids. Just this time of year I guess. I know there's far worse off than me!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 23/12/2023 13:11

Sorry you’re feeling low 💐

AlwaysForksAndMarbles · 23/12/2023 13:13

Come join us on the MNers without children board. You’ll find plenty of others to talk to.

Dartmoorcheffy · 23/12/2023 13:15

Yanbu. I'm in exactly the same boat and this time of year is really hard.

Changedname81 · 23/12/2023 13:16

You don’t have to caveat your feelings by saying you know other people have it worse or by calling yourself “self pitying”. Your feelings are valid and you can feel them without guilt. ❤️💚🧡

I am 43 and had a miscarriage at 38 and have been single since. I know how you feel and it’s allowed and it’s normal.

Merry Christmas to you and be kind to yourself x

Dacadactyl · 23/12/2023 13:25

Children bring their own stresses and strains, particularly at this time of year.

Don't let it get you down OP and best wishes.

Original poster
pootlefump · 23/12/2023 13:32

Thank you all for being there for me just now I needed that Smile So sorry for those who feel the same or have had their own struggles

OP posts:
Touty · 23/12/2023 13:35

I feel the same op. It is me and my OH no kids by choice, my relations in another country, it’s a hard time of year; I always feel as if I’m on the outside looking in

ssd · 23/12/2023 13:38

Sorry you are feeling low @pootlefump Flowers

HoHoHoliday · 23/12/2023 13:59

I am also childless not by choice, most of the year I can cope with it but Christmas brings out all of the hurtful feelings. Be kind to yourself. Get yourself all of the favourite treats.

twostepsforwardoneback · 23/12/2023 13:59

I feel you - you're not alone!

wheresmymojo · 23/12/2023 14:35

I'm not saying this will work for anyone else but I find concentrating on all the stuff I can do / enjoy that wouldn't be possible with kids helps me.

So lovely breakfast-in-bed lie ins, Christmas dinner largely made up of 'shove it in the oven' Waitrose specials for a great tasting dinner without feeling the guilt/expectation of cooking for a family, lazing around on the sofa necking Advocaat and boozy hot chocolates watching movies without any children whining/crying/needing to be entertained.

We're going to the cinema shortly to eat ice cream and watch Wonka...then later a hot muscle soaking bath with a glass of mulled wine and a ghost story podcast.

I do have pets though and while very cliche I find they really help with that feeling of having a lot of love to give and nowhere for it to go...

musixa · 23/12/2023 14:41

AlwaysForksAndMarbles · 23/12/2023 13:13

Come join us on the MNers without children board. You’ll find plenty of others to talk to.

Yes, do - lots of childfree Christmas chat!

girlfriend44 · 23/12/2023 15:18

loads of people in the same boat.

Not everyone has family. and not all families are happy either.
Spare a thought also for those who have lost loved ones this year?

Alot of people would like your Christmas? Its just another day really, will come and go. Enjoy.

Helenahandkart · 23/12/2023 17:05

I spent yesterday crying in our quiet empty house, knowing that our friends are with their children, and other friends are with their families, and it’s just my DH and me on our own. I used to love Christmas but now it’s horrendous. The pain of childlessness at Christmas is unbearable. I am lucky to have a kind and wonderful husband, but it’s not enough, and this time of year really amplifies the lack of family.

tinselvestsparklepants · 23/12/2023 17:28

I hosted parents in law and my mum for an early Christmas dinner on Thursday. While I cooked they decided to chat about their struggles to have children (they both have two) and miscarriages etc. I couldn't have children and ended up leaving the kitchen before i used the saucepans as weapons ... don't think they noticed. I'm child free not really by choice and am usually fine with it but Christmas does seem to make it a bit "tender". On my dog walk just now I saw the neighbour's daughter bringing her baby home for Christmas. It's a strange feeling isn't it? Solidarity.

Boredatthemoment · 23/12/2023 17:38

I feel like an afterthought for my adult DD this year, that she is only coming over because otherwise I’d be on my own. She will come over tomorrow after lunch with her boyfriend’s mother and stay over and then on Christmas Day she will have lunch with her boyfriend’s father so she doesn’t want a full meal in the evening and I will be alone for the day.
Wish I had gone somewhere for the long weekend now, but I have my dog to think about.

Touty · 23/12/2023 18:54

Where is the child free chat?

Touty · 23/12/2023 18:55

Is it a board on here?

musixa · 23/12/2023 18:58

Here you are @Touty . The board is 'Mumsnetters Without Children' and is inclusive of anyone living their life without children, whether by choice or circumstance:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters

Bigbouncingbaby · 23/12/2023 19:05

I have children . But they are with their dad this year . He has mucked around the dates and due to various things I haven’t had them since Wednesday and won’t get them back till Tuesday . It’s grim all I see is family’s with kids doing fun things . Sorry if it’s insensitive to those with no kids but I do understand . It just amplifies this time of year . I miss them and although so many people in similar situations it feels shit

Original poster
pootlefump · 24/12/2023 08:26

Thanks so much for everyone's replies. I'm now active on the other board too Smile

OP posts:
louderthan · 24/12/2023 09:48

I get you OP. I don't have kids and don't want them, but I have no partner and no family other than my my mum. We find Christmas very hard and are glad when it's over!

blackfluffycat · 24/12/2023 10:04

I have children but I don't work, go out, have any friends or hobbies!!

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