To give in the urge to be reclusive?

[ughChristmas]

After reading a few threads tonight, I've been reflecting again on what I want for the new year. I've been thinking about it anyway but wondered what other people thought.

I've noticed a few people saying they feel disconnected from the world and reclusive since a significant loss in their lives. I have felt the same way but I know isolating yourself is not really considered healthy. In terms of contentment, is it so bad to give in to the urge to be reclusive? If I change my mind I can do the opposite but I know it can be hard to get into it when you've been out of it for a while.

I have my family, a close friend, a few acquaintances and a social group I go to weekly. I think that's enough socially. I'm not just sitting around the rest of the time.

Would it be a bad choice to opt out of the world as much as I can (not neglecting responsibilities out there) for a bit?

Of course it's not a bad choice OP. You don't have to force yourself to do anything you don't want - in fact that would be unhealthy.

I'm a bit the same. Think for me it's age related too (late 60's). I have my friends, adult son (solo mum), family in far-flung places, friends and local amenities I go to.

Life is so crazy busy nowadays and I mostly avoid the town centre because I cannot cope with the busy-ness. (Now even worse with Christmas coming up).
It's also high up on tourist numbers which doesn't help. (Nothing worse being in a hurry and a group shuffling along the pavement).

And the world is in turmoil too which upsets me.

In fact it's the middle of the night right now and am enjoying the absolute silence outside with the occasional splash of rain. It's very soothing.

A nice antidote to the craziness coming up in the next few days. (Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas!).

It's all about balance I guess.

I agree it's about balance.

After a significant loss, time alone to meaningfully process and also just to rest has been probably the most important thing for me. I'm not the same person I was before the loss, it was a huge trauma for me and life changing. There is so much to unpack and still a way to go with that. It's so important to be in touch with yourself to prioritise yourself. Grief is a very long game. You can have as much support and distraction as you like but in the very end of it all you need to heal yourself, give yourself what you need and learn how to adapt to it and how to exist in the world again once you're ready. That isn't unhealthy, to me it's the opposite and has done me more good than anything else.

Thank you both for your thoughtful replies. They're comforting to me. I think my main concern is that if I jump off into isolation, I'll stay there. My training and messages from the world say that isolation isn't a good thing. Yet I feel it would be really healing, give me some time to work on some personal goals like losing the weight I've put on through this difficult time (physical health goals) and just - recover a bit.

I do think I should keep up my social group and stay in touch with my close friend. Like you both said, balance.

I think I will just aim to be a bit selfish this year (not with my family, of course). I've really been through the wringer the last few years. Next year I just want to be in the garden, go for walks, watch movies, read books and care for my family.

As long as you don't cut yourself totally off from others it sounds fine to me. I'm not wildly social, and a lot of my social life is just saying hello to people, or having a bit of a chat, when I'm out on my daily walks. I keep in touch with a few friends, but otherwise I just hang out with my cat!

I agree that life for many is too busy these days, we need to take some time just to be alone and quiet.

I love being reclusive. I have to be friendly and sociable at work and I think that's enough for me. I like my own company. You do have the choice to see people so I think taking some time back for yourself and hiding away won't do you any harm, just don't stay hidden for too long.

What you describe doesn't sound reclusive, a weekly meet up isn't reclusive?

It's not a group of friends, it's just an all comers group which is more interest based for two hours. Lovely group of women but I don't have anything to do with them outside the group.

Thanks for the supportive feedback though none of the 7% who think I'm BU have said why. I've decided that, for next year, I'm going to have my one group a week, just to keep some connection with the community. I have another group I've been trying the last six months that is monthly, but I think I will drop that one. Unless something comes up that I'm really enthusiastic about, I'm going to just enjoy my family and dogs, my one close friend, and casual and very occasional acquaintance contact. The little niggle that tells me how important social contact is for people and choosing isolation isn't good can just be quiet. :-) I need some quiet and peace first and foremost at the moment. If things change later, it's not hard to pick up again.