To have nothing more to do with FIL?

[MrsSparkington]

I've been with DH for 20 years and FIL has made it clear for those years that he doesn't like me.

We don't see him that often (MIL died before I bet DH) but he's just horrible to me; ignores me, makes barbed rude comments about me and of course DH defends his dad saying he doesn't mean it or I'm being too sensitive. I also refuse to join in with the world revolving around SIL, the golden child who is equally vile.

Anyway, he popped round today. DH opened the door and let him in and as he came in I said 'hello' to him and asked how he was. He blanked me. Then when he had sat down I got the usual veiled digs about me and general rudeness. He never asks me anything about me or how I am etc. but today he kept asking how all of DH's friends wives were and then saying things like 'now she is a NICE woman'

When he'd gone I thought about things for a while then said to DH his father is so horrible to me and clearly doesn't like me and that next time his dad comes round I will be ignoring FIL, getting my bag and going out. And won't be engaging with him ever again:

DH isn't very happy and said basically that how I feel doesn't matter.

Why does your dh think this behaviour is acceptable?

How is it possible for this to have been going on for 20 years? I’d have snapped very early on.

what barbed comments does he make?

no issues with opting out of this situation. I’m doing the same in a similar one. It took me a long time to actually see what was going on

the bigger problem here is your husband

Your DH sounds remarkably like your FIL

Are you due to spend Christmas Day with him?

It sounds like fil is a massive arse/narcassist. Dh has probably suffered over the years. Explanation not excuse.

Well, that apple didn’t fall far from the tree then…

Fucking hell don’t go out! Don’t let the twat in YOUR home. I agree you have a dh problem. He is allowing his dad to disrespect his wife! Nah that’s not what a good man does.

Your dh is learning from his dad how to treat the partners your own child choose…. And so the cycle continues! Stop it now. But you know if it was me, (which it wouldn’t be bc I would have called it out yonks ago, and did actually…. Not a family member but a friend.) I’d tell husband the next time his dad blanks me or is rude I will ask him why. I don’t care if the fan and shit meet, it can’t be worse than it is now.

Don’t wait for your dh is address this… you don’t need his permission to be treated with respect

When he blanked you, did you say to him “Well Alan (insert his name there), you’re being very rude to the wife of your son by blanking me. I won’t stand for it. Here’s your coat, there’s the door, please leave!”

If DH said anything about it, I’d hand him his coat too and tell him to go home with his father.

Sounds like they both need a one way ticket to Twatville...

Don’t ever lift a finger for your FIL and SIL again. Let your twatty DH do it. Tell your DH that your feelings do matter, and that from now on you’ll be treated with respect in your own home, or they’re not welcome.

He doesn't speak to you anyway. Next time he carries on say what you like. Tell him to piss off. You have lost nothing.