Xmas Issue

[Toomuch44]

This is a case of are we being unreasonable?

My Mum comes to us every Xmas day and stays over to Boxing Day, DH is great and accepts this happens. She stays until around 11am until we go elsewhere or drop her off home, unless I'm working and she has to leave around 6.30am. Anyway, it's assumed at this stage she's here until 11am Box Day.

This year we're going BIL1 around 12.30pm Box Day. Other BIL2 has invited us to pop into his between dropping my Mum off and going to BIL1, to see two nephews open their presents (he's not an entertainer but knows we like to see nephews open our presents), so can easily fit in. BIL1 has realised that his (and my DH's) Auntie is on her own over Xmas. She's a lovely, lovely person and BIL1 has messaged asking if we'll go and pick up Auntie to take her to theirs for lunch. DH has said no, it's too much as a 110 round journey and can't do between other things (not going into details as BILs 1 and 2 don't speak) BIL1 is very persuasive asking why, saying DH is being touchy, and I know it's going to get tense. I'd happily have Auntie for Xmas Day, but know she really wouldn't want to stay at ours or theirs.

BIL1 can pick her up

No way. Why doesn’t bil1 go get her? Why is he asking you?

BIL1 and is wife love to entertain with food and to be honest will be too busy preparing! One of them is willing to take Auntie home later.

You already have a busy morning and there's no way someone is going to manage a 110 min journey on top of that without getting up really earlier and changing times with other members of the family.

If BIL1 wants Auntie that much, he or another driver in their family will have to go and get her.

Would it be worth asking auntie if she would want to come for Christmas?

Have you got 2 cars? Can uou drop your mum off, DH picks up auntie and you meet at BIL2?

I would imagine if it's only just been noticed that this women is on her own for Christmas day and she hasn't asked to attend or enquired about visiting etc that she's content with her choice to be alone, does she even want to go?

If she does then I'd agree with your DH I'm afraid but it sounds like a thoroughly stressful morning and completely unrealistic to fit everything in before 12.

I'd stay out of it if I was you ... presumably it's your DH's Aunt and brother so it's for him & his family to resolve. It's ridiculously short notice to discuss those sort of travel arrangements.

If you wanted to help with the arrangements you could compromise by saying you'll get her but will be an hour later to arrive. However it's a lot of rushing about for the morning so you're not U to say you can't at this short notice.

Thanks for your replies. I'm pretty sure Auntie wouldn't stay, she's 93 and the only place for her to sleep would be an airbed in the lounge (cat flap in there so cats coming and going all night), too much for her to get up steep stairs to have DD's bed) My Mum is 84, always stays and she thinks she's getting up-you-up in dining room as usual. When we saw her three weeks ago, she was worrying about going away for the weekend.

It feels a bit much to invite her last minute now anyway. House cleaning to be done today, visiting people this afternoon and DH doing a hospital visit tomorrow on bus, I'm working a long day tomorrow and have car, and also would need to buy presents for Auntie.

I've pointed out to DH, BIL lives closer to Auntie and also has a bed settee in front room, so if he's that worried about her, to invite her themselves.

a 110 round journey

Is this minutes or miles?

Is it in the other direction from your Mum and Bil 2?

Sorry 110 mins, it's the other side of where BIL lives, so actually thinking about it more like a more like a 90 min round trip from them. We plan to be there 12.30, to eat by 1pm. We struggle to eat late and BIL has health issues, so better to eat early and space it out, so not really an option to delay meal.