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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go to Christmas?

25 replies

PurpleJam2234 · 22/12/2023 17:50

Long story short, I am well into my 3rd trimester and on immunosuppressant drugs. We supposed to be starting Christmas tomorrow and one of the people there isn't well. I am conflicted about going as it doesn't seem like necessarily a sensible idea, why take the risk type of thing, but I can see that maybe I am being over-cautious.

It's causing a bit of tension between me and my DH and I feel very torn about what to do.

  • YABU - go to Christmas, you will probably be fine
  • YANBU - why take the risk, there are plenty more Christmases
OP posts:
FuzzyPuffling · 22/12/2023 18:53

If you don't feel comfortable, then don't go. It's not worth the worry.

cestlavielife · 22/12/2023 18:54

What do you mean by go to christmas?
Just stay home and do christmas

Shopalolic · 22/12/2023 18:56

Put yourself and your baby first, hope you're OK

TiramisuTastesDreamy · 22/12/2023 18:58

Hope you are ok, but don’t really understand what “go to Christmas” means. If it means avoiding contact with others and staying home then follow your gut instinct

Lyra87 · 22/12/2023 19:04

I was you last year (I was 36 weeks at Christmas). I wouldn't have gone (and didn't as I was too uncomfortable and afraid of being sick when going into labour) pregnancy is hard enough and if you catch anything you have to suffer through as you cant take anything really when sick.

Original poster
PurpleJam2234 · 22/12/2023 20:10

cestlavielife · 22/12/2023 18:54

What do you mean by go to christmas?
Just stay home and do christmas

Sorry when I say go to Christmas - we’d all be living together, meals round a table etc for just under a week.

OP posts:
Thementalloadisreal · 22/12/2023 20:11

I wouldn’t go. Christmas is just a day, sometimes it’s not worth the amount of worry and stress we put on it

mottytotty · 22/12/2023 20:13

If you’re on immunosuppressant drugs, don’t expose yourself to unnecessary risk.

Why doesn’t your DH want you to stay home so he can take care of you, the mother of his child?

It sounds like all he cares about his fun.

Don’t go, OP.

Original poster
PurpleJam2234 · 22/12/2023 20:16

@Lyra87 thanks for this! I’m sorry you were in this position last year.

I had try to strike a balance like “we wouldn’t have meals together” as that’s probably the closest you’d get to someone sitting opposite you breathing but in other situations during the day it’s easier to keep your distance.

No one wants to miss Christmas. :( X

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 22/12/2023 20:18

Have you been told to avoid infection? Why is the ill person going to Christmas? Are they the host?

yikesanotherbooboo · 22/12/2023 20:19

You and your child are number one priority for the next few weeks.

2dogsandabudgie · 22/12/2023 20:20

What kind of illness has the other person got?

bridgetreilly · 22/12/2023 20:22

Don’t go if you are on immunosuppressants. You’ll be anxious the whole time. It’s one year, and it’s okay to put you and the baby first.

Original poster
PurpleJam2234 · 22/12/2023 20:28

@yikesanotherbooboo @2dogsandabudgie they have a cough/cold for a few days but sounds like they’ve been feeling quite rotten (they’ve cancelled some social things). They aren’t hosting but I don’t think they want to miss Christmas and that’s not something I would ask someone to do. So it’s basically my choice whether I join in.

What I have been told is if I catch something I would probably have it worse and for longer than someone not in my shoes (which I’ve interpreted as if a cold last someone a week, I’d be ill a bit more and it would last say 10 days) but no one has a crystal ball so nothing is certain.

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 22/12/2023 20:30

You don't want to be ill looking after a newborn. There will be many Christmasese to come. I would hunker down at home.

Vinrouge4 · 22/12/2023 20:32

Honestly don’t go. It’s not worth it. Why are men such useless selfish articles.

MabelQ · 22/12/2023 20:47

EDIT: for some reason I thought you said 36wks, not “well into third trimester”; must be my pregnant brain!

At 36 weeks I wouldn’t. You don’t want to be sick + delivering simultaneously.

There was a question of postponing our family Christmas a bit due to sickness and I was so hoping everyone would get well so it wouldn’t get pushed into January, as I’m 34 weeks right now and plan to sort of hibernate as I get closer to my due date… I wouldn’t even want to go to a family gathering at 36 weeks in wintertime even if NOBODY was sick, so I totally understand your reservations as to the wisdom of going!

Niallig32839 · 22/12/2023 20:51

Don’t go and don’t be made to feel bad about it either. Not worth putting you or your baby at risk and spending the time worrying too

sleepyscientist · 22/12/2023 21:50

What have you been told by the midwife? I wouldn't miss seeing family as you never know if it will be X last Xmas etc. But we have a very much getting sick is normal in our house so don't actively avoid much other than prior to holidays or weddings etc where it would ruin the occasion.

ughChristmas · 22/12/2023 22:10

One of my children is on immune suppressant medication. If I was in your position, I wouldn't be going.

Doggymummar · 22/12/2023 22:12

Christmas is a time of year, not a place, wherever you are it will be Christmas regardless.

Lyra87 · 22/12/2023 22:15

@PurpleJam2234 myself and my husband still had lovely Christmas just the 2 of us, so try not to think of it as 'missing Christmas'. It'll just be different this year. Watch movies you love, snuggle on the couch with your favourite foods and enjoy a Christmas with you and DP before you become a family of 3 😁

GeneCity · 22/12/2023 22:16

sleepyscientist · 22/12/2023 21:50

What have you been told by the midwife? I wouldn't miss seeing family as you never know if it will be X last Xmas etc. But we have a very much getting sick is normal in our house so don't actively avoid much other than prior to holidays or weddings etc where it would ruin the occasion.

Did you miss the bit where the OP said they were on immunosuppressant medication?

Original poster
PurpleJam2234 · 23/12/2023 06:40

@Lyra87 a family of 4… we have a 1 year old too!

That’s such a good way to think about it! I didn’t mind our Covid Christmas when it was the two of us, although I drank a lot
of champagne so that may have helped haha!

OP posts:
pyjamalife · 23/12/2023 07:08

I was in your position at the end of my pregnancy. I refused to go to a family birthday.

Nobody was ill, to my knowledge, but I wasn't risking it as my ILs are not great at warning us. I also didn't want to be too far away from my hospital.

Me and my kids are now really sick this year as we weren't warned that their whole family had been sick when we just visited (with a baby and toddler!) so I'm pissed off. Proves I was right to protect myself in pregnancy. I think it's irresponsible, at least you have been warned and I certainly wouldn't be going in your position.

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