Depressed son-in-law. Worried for my daughter.

[ikeabiscuits]

My daughter has been with her partner for 10 years. He's had bad mental health for the second half of their relationship.

She puts a brave face on it, but he doesn't work much, has taken to staying up in the night and sleeping during the day, and doesn't leave the house very often. She's a nurse working very long hours, does all the housework and I think she pays for the house and bills by herself. She had admitted to me that it's so hard.

I don't know what to do. I've tried checking in with her generally, tried a more open discussion about whether she's happy, have said she can always come and stay with us. Her dad thinks we should just go round and tell her we're rescuing her from this 'waster'. I think we just have to wait until she makes up her mind because forcing her might damage her relationship with us.

If you'd asked any of my friends and family 10-15 years ago, they'd have said they were similarly concerned about me - my other half had terrible mental health problems, had a string of short-lived jobs that never really amounted to much, we were in a state of constant stress, and I was very much down about it and carrying the family and finances.

Fast forward to now, and we're a) still together, and b) happier than ever...both unlike any of the judgy twats (friends and family) who thought they knew the score from the outside without once asking if we were OK or genuinely offering to help.

Many times since then we've been asked what the secret is, and the answer is always "Hard times, hard work and not listening to the judgements of people who aren't really interested in fixing the problem, only advising us to leave each other".

Put simply, ask them both what you can do to help fix their problems (and follow through), rather than focus on what you can do to destroy their relationship.

No advice op but your daughter is so blessed to have you. It is so clear how much you love her from this post. I hope she's able to break free soon