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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my partner should pay for the Christmas food/drink shop?

34 replies

santaclauseiscomingtotownnnn · 22/12/2023 07:59

We both work full time and live together.
Have done for 3 years but aren't married and have our own bank accounts.
We said we would do the food shop and half the cost each.
The thing is after we said this I have been buying things and keeping them in freezer
Turkey,gammon,2 cheese bakes,Yule log,2 other nice desserts from M&S,M&S party food (8 packs so not cheap ) a bottle of gin,a bottle of whiskey,Malibu -a cheeseboard ,crackers ,3 tins of chocolates ,other chocolates ,crisps ,dips /pigs n blankets /ready made parsnips
This morning he said il see you after work
At least we are having the food shop so it's not as bad
There's hardly anything to buy !
Veg /fresh packs of stuff for sandwiches etc /maybe 1 more fresh dessert
A few more alcohol bottles

Aibu to think I shouldn't have to pay half when I've already spent nearly £200 ?

OP posts:
ClockHolly · 22/12/2023 08:02

I think you should merge your finances so issues like this don’t arise.

Original poster
santaclauseiscomingtotownnnn · 22/12/2023 08:03

That should of said "halving the food shop"

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 22/12/2023 08:04

He should pay yes, but given you haven’t said anything he might not have budgeted for it so might not be too happy. Work out how much you’ve spent to remind him, and then tell him you’ll pay half for shopping and will tot up what he owes you for the rest of the shop you already got in

Torganer · 22/12/2023 08:04

Did you keep the receipts? Just one of you get the rest and then split the total cost.

Summerishere123 · 22/12/2023 08:05

Did you tell him you were doing these mini shops? Does he even know about them or does he think you are doing the whole thing tonight?

nottaotter · 22/12/2023 08:05

Maybe he doesn't know you have basically done the shop already?!

Just say, actually ive bought xyz, so we only need veg and a bottle of alcohol etc, so can you cover that as ive spent £200.00 and don't have any spare.

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:05

Ask him if he's going to reimburse you half of all the festive food shopping you've already done. Did he know you were going to m&s?

I think you need better communication next year

CalistoNoSolo · 22/12/2023 08:05

Don't merge finances, just bill him for half of what you've already spent.

Original poster
santaclauseiscomingtotownnnn · 22/12/2023 08:06

No he knows
He was happy every time I came home with it as it was one less thing to buy.
I would show him and say "oooh be nice for Boxing Day night" 🤣
Unless he wasn't listening half the time and just humouring me

OP posts:
Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 22/12/2023 08:06

I think you stick to the original agreement, pay for half of what you both decide to buy. It'll be a smaller big shop now presumably.

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:06

Ps. Why have you bought 8 packs of party food from M&S is that for the two of you?!

FluffyChemical · 22/12/2023 08:07

Honestly, if you've done all that and also seem to be managing the mental load for what is needed I would tell him what you've already got and ask if he could pop to the shops and get the rest himself on his card.

Original poster
santaclauseiscomingtotownnnn · 22/12/2023 08:07

@kimchio yeah he knew
Well just for party food anyway and a couple of desserts
Rest was from Morrison's /Tesco

OP posts:
Datgal · 22/12/2023 08:07

Yep, just get him to give you halves now for the things you've got already.

margotrose · 22/12/2023 08:07

Did you talk to him before spending £200 on food for one day?

Because if DH told me he'd spent £200 with no input from me then wanted half of it back I'd be telling him to bog off, quite frankly.

cuckyplunt · 22/12/2023 08:07

Put all your money in a joint account. Both take out the same amount of pocket money for clothes and other personnel expenses, everything else comes out of the joint account.
This has worked for us for 24 years. DH is currently spending a king’s ransom on diving gear, I have bought a shedload of Christmas stuff. We have honestly never fought about money.

Original poster
santaclauseiscomingtotownnnn · 22/12/2023 08:08

@kimchio we have my family over for buffet Xmas eve and his family boxing night
Plus anything left we normally have on NYE as we don't bother going out anywhere on that night.

OP posts:
kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:08

santaclauseiscomingtotownnnn · 22/12/2023 08:06

No he knows
He was happy every time I came home with it as it was one less thing to buy.
I would show him and say "oooh be nice for Boxing Day night" 🤣
Unless he wasn't listening half the time and just humouring me

Have you actually asked him for half?

SgtJuneAckland · 22/12/2023 08:09

@cuckyplunt it's what we do, it stops me developing rage over how much money DH spends on comic books 🤦‍♂️

Original poster
santaclauseiscomingtotownnnn · 22/12/2023 08:09

@kimchio no I don't want half of the money for what I've spent ,I just assumed he would pay for the remaining bits we needed
It will be less than that
Majority will be on alcohol as we only need a few food bits now

OP posts:
fishonabicycle · 22/12/2023 08:12

This way of doing finances doesn't work! I know as we used to do it. What worked for us was agreeing amounts to put in a joint account which covered all food/bills/mortgage etc. then you kept your own account for everything else.

ActDottie · 22/12/2023 08:28

margotrose · 22/12/2023 08:07

Did you talk to him before spending £200 on food for one day?

Because if DH told me he'd spent £200 with no input from me then wanted half of it back I'd be telling him to bog off, quite frankly.

This.

I think this whole issue is a communication problem if anything.

gotomomo · 22/12/2023 08:32

Add up all you have spent and halve it

Reugny · 22/12/2023 08:37

Unless he wasn't listening half the time and just humouring me

He was doing this.

Ask him clearly for half the money.

When I'm with family or friends, I ask what I can bring/buy.

With my DP we discuss in advance who is getting what. So he's bought all the meat as he is cooking it while I've bought most of the alcohol.

blankittyblank · 22/12/2023 08:41

We have a similar set up to you, and the issue here arises when there's not been communication beforehand. Does he want all the stuff you bought? Did you discuss everything you need and then you went and bought it? Or did you just buy it all on the fly? Cus he might feel like he wouldn't have spent his money on those things, and doesn't consider them necessary. And therefore, he isn't keen to go halves on it.
This same issue has happened to us before. Now, we our respective halves in a joint account before we shop.