Are spending conversations becoming toxic?

[SaraJaneb]

It really feels like any discussion where people are getting to spend money on extras gets toxic fast, it's seen as boastful or gloating or selfish. Personally I think if you've managed to get some money together and spoil people I can understand it after the last few years, I don't judge based on what people have or don't but it feels like everyone else is fighting because money is stressful and getting angry at each other. Am I the wrong?

only on mumsnet

but there’s load of weird shit on mumsnet that only happens on mumsnet

take it with a pinch of salt

Yes, mumsnet has its own micro-culture, even the language eg “DD”. The whole forum has been shaped and formed by years of women conversing and influencing each other. It’s quite fascinating really. Just remember that it’s only one sub-set of societies opinions and attitudes found here.

you obviously felt quite impassioned by the issue Op 😂

There are certainly ways to be boastful about money/spending (a photo of a massive pile of expensive presents on Facebook with 'Feeling so spoiled by hubby this Crimbo! #blessed #luckygirl', for example, always feels like showing off). But there is a really weird thing on Mumsnet where people get tremendously angry at other people simply for buying nice things that they can afford.

Oddly, whenever I've encountered this in real life, it's always been from people who are middle-class and clearly well-off, but seem to think that actually spending money on anything frivolous is terribly vulgar. People who send their children to private schools and have four pedigree gundogs, clutching their pearls at people who buy their kids games consoles because they should be happy with a second-hand jumper and some sticks. I suspect it's quite similar on Mumsnet. People who actually don't have much money are rarely like this - nobody I know who has to keep to a tight budget is actually sneery about other people spending money.

There's a Christmas thread at the moment where someone asked out of interest how much their Christmas food shop had cost. Obviously people answered the question, but then other people started shouting at the posters whose spending they disapproved of, calling it 'unnecessary and obscene'. I don't really get the anger. I don't have £1000 to spend on Christmas dinner, but fair enough for other people to spend their money, if they have it, on something that's important to them.

The middle class people who complain about others wasting money always spend an absolute fortune on things that matter to them. They just don’t see it as they consider it frivolous. In fact, they almost feel morally superior for buying organic meat and expensive clothes and home furnishings. Displaying ‘good taste’ has always been aligned with a sort of moral righteousness.