To stop sending presents to everyone who doesn’t send my children any?

[headache]

That’s what I have done this year. So, firstly at the beginning of the year it was 2 friends DCs birthdays and I sent presents and cards as I normally would, a week later it was one of my DCs birthday and she got nothing from me which I thought was a bit odd but ok maybe they forgot. Then it was another one of their DCs birthdays this time an 18th so I sent a card with a bit of money in it (hadn’t a clue what an 18 year old boy wants so thought cash probably best bet), got no thanks or response back from friend. Then in November was other friends DCs 18th again did the same thing no response. So I’m taking it we aren’t doing cards/presents anymore?

Then there’s my niece, every year growing up we always bought her a Christmas present as you do then she had DC and I started getting them presents. Last year it dawned on me she hadn’t even messaged to say she had received the gifts, hadn’t even had so much as a Xmas card from her or a Happy Birthday text for any of our DC so I thought what am I doing here?

I feel bad because I love buying presents and I don’t do it to receive presents back, I just think everyone should get a little present at Christmas, DD1 says gift giving is my love language lol

Please stop buying for all these people who don’t reciprocate! I hope you haven‘t bought them Christmas presents?

Lots of men just don't exchange gifts with friends never mind buying for friends kids.

It's their way of saying stop with the gifts without saying it to your face.

A cousin of DH tried to drag us kicking& screaming into a gift exchange. She would even post on Facebook about how she had been "super organised" this year and bought lots of gifts for all the children etc. Which was basically a heads up to everyone that they needed to reciprocate (imo).

We thanked her, but never bought any gifts for her kids.

She stopped after a year or two.

It's obviously causing you stress OP, so just don't do it!

In the case of my friends if they had just said “let’s not do this gift giving anymore I can’t be bothered with it” I would have understood completely but to receive presents, not even acknowledge it then send nothing back to any of my DC when the year before you did is a bit off.

I think gift giving for friends' children is unusual, unless they have a party that your DC is invited to.

The irony is these were the friends who started this when the DC were young as I remember them turning up with gifts for my DC for Christmas and I had to run out and get their DC gifts in return. Then they always got my DC gifts until this year it just stopped like I said, in January it was two of their DCs birthdays a week apart I sent gifts then it was my DC birthday no gift or even a happy birthday then this continued. Which is fine we’re not giving gifts but I did give a larger gift as two were 18ths and got no acknowledgment for those ones which I thought was a bit unusual. Oh well I now know not to send anymore in the future.

I love buying gifts I always have. I give because I enjoy it and definitely not to receive anything back but if people don’t even say thank you I too would re think about sending any future gifts.

I’ve only bought Christmas and birthday presents for my DC, DH and parents for the last 30 years, this has saved me so much time and money over the years.

Op how old are your kids?

Are you sure friends haven't just stopped because yours are now adults?
Do you still see the friends? For a long time now the thanks from my friends kids have been a quick text message- which only works if they have your number.

I've always had the rule that if the recipient does t say thank you then they don't get bought a gift again. Ever.

You know the more I actually think about it I think it’s more than sending gifts, we were part of a friendship group and we went on holidays together and the DC though of themselves as cousins growing up etc. I was always a bit like ok whatever but a few of the mums were like oh we are super friends our children are sooo close etc.

The past 2 years one of my DCs has been very unwell and apart from one person in this group no one has actually asked how she is. I know friends grow apart but it would be nice if one of them would have actually wished her a happy birthday. She’s been housebound for 2 years and seen no one so it would really special for her. I think that’s why I’m especially annoyed I remember their DCs birthdays but they couldn’t even ask an after DD or so wish her a happy birthday. Especially after they make these big sweeping statements about how we are all so close like family and will always be there for one another.

I guess I’ve learned a very valuable lesson and also saved a bit of money on presents for next year 😃