My husbands family consists of his mum and sisters. His dad died when he was very young. I think MIL has had an issue with me from very early on because my now husband used to send her around £700 a month. He had done this since getting his first job at 18 and he was 32 when we met and still doing it! The amount had gone up with each better job he'd gotten. She worked full time and lived in a council house so I didn't quite understand why the money was needed and especially why so much. I didn't outright tell him to stop but I did mention that I thought it odd, he said he felt a lot of responsibility over her as he became man of the house at the age of 7. I said he shouldn't ever of been made to feel that way, he was a kid. Anyway, the money lessened and once we had kids of our own it stopped entirely. I definitely copped the blame for it!
It's always been a weird dynamic. She's very territorial over him and I could never make any jobs that sounded even slightly deprecating about him. There was lots of talk about how he stepped up and took on her husbands role which again felt really unacceptable. My husband has had to have a fair bit of counselling because of how quickly he was forced to grow up and deal with adult situations etc. It has had an effect on him.
They grew up on a council estate, she still lives there, one of daughters still lives in the same house (she's late thirties) and the other daughter lives on the same estate in a different house. I don't make any judgements about this but they appear to think I do. My family has a very different background but it's not something I've ever highlighted to them. There have been a lot of comments over the years about me 'roughing it' when we go and visit them, mocking me at times, making out I'm pretentious, telling me I think I'm a peg above them etc. When we renovated our home they had a lot of comments like "that looks... expensive" rather than calling anything nice. They come across as very bitter rather than supportive and proud of him. He's done a lot for them and I don't feel they appreciate any of it or the effect it has had on them.
I play nice, there is no close relationship though and never will be. They claim to my husband that they welcomed with me open arms but that I've never wanted to integrate. I see it very differently. Regardless I've kept the peace and played along when I see them, but years have gone by with no improvement and it's gotten to a point as mine and my husbands kids get older that I see how they are treated differently too, compared to the other kids in the family. My son told me he doesn't like going their because he doesn't think daddy's family like him! I told him that of course they do and he said they don't, and they don't like mummy either. I've never put this in his head, it's obvious even to him, and he is still fairly little.
They are no loss to me at this point, but my husband seems so determined to keep them happy and keep them in his life and has given up so much of his life for them. I will never stop him seeing them, but I think I'm done. The thought of seeing them over Christmas just makes me feel shit. I'm not interested, I'm done! AIBU to be done?!