to not forgive DH for argument

[FerreroFan]

About 10 months ago, my DH (36) and I (33) had a horrible argument. I had given birth about 6 days before and was tired, sick and hormonal. I woke him to feed the baby at night as we agreed, he refused saying he would get up later. I was annoyed as the baby was hungry and I had barely slept. He lost the plot and shouted aggressively at me for about 10 minutes. I won't repeat the kinds of things he said but they were cruel and also untrue. This kind of behaviour had never happened before.

It has been nearly a year and I realise I have never forgiven him. Not only that but our relationship has changed. I almost feel that I am no longer in love with him now I know he can behave in such a vile way, and that he did when I was at my most vulnerable. A few weeks after it had happened, he reluctantly admitted his behaviour was OTT but in the same breath accused me of taking it too seriously.

We have had some arguments since but nothing like as intense. Whenever we do argue, I am reminded of that first horrible argument and the way I felt.

Am I being unreasonable not to forgive and forget?

I feel sad reading this and all the comments because a similar thing happened to me when I was around 7 months pregnant with twins. I was gobsmacked and so so hurt. I seriously considered leaving him and it took me about 3 years to forgive him. (He did apologise the next day but it didn't feel like enough. Its something I always brought up again and again because I just couldn't understand how you could talk to your pregnant wife like that. The woman who is carrying your children is surely the woman you are supposed to protect?). He apologised again a few years later because I just couldn't let it go. I did forgive him and have never brought it up again but I can never forget it.

I am sad that it seems so many other women have been through this.

At the time I was so upset and was thinking why is it only my DH that would be such an Ah.

Anyway, I think you should sleep on it for a few days maybe even weeks and then calmly raise it with him again. Maybe even prepare what you are going to say before hand and make it clear that it was wrong, he made you feel unsafe and that uou expect xyz from him. Its about setting boundaries I guess.

My DH has never done it again but I would leave if he did. I don't know why some people just seem to get so nasty when their loved one vulnerable or happy. It's like they want to sabotage the moment or just make it about them.