First off, my parents are great and I’m not trying to bash them. However, I feel that I was massively impacted by this environment. My mum in particular was and is very up and down. It’s not bipolar or anything like that but she seems to absolutely love a crisis of and kind. Everything was very high octane and full on, unless, often, she had a headache or felt unwell so therefore that was all terrible and dramatic too but she ‘couldn’t possibly speak now‘ etc… then a day or so later it’s back to being full on.
This sort of attitude got stuff done. Me and my siblings were immaculate for school and performed well and I always felt loved and like she was invested in my life.
But honestly there was very little calm. Anything that could be a drama was a drama. I remember leaving home and feeling really weird about the silences in my student accommodation and when I moved in with a partner later on. My childhood home was always so intense. Mum couldn’t and still can’t watch a film, fifteen minutes in and she’s up having to check on something or ‘just get a drink’ or ‘absolutely starving’ etc etc. I can call her and she will answer sometimes saying ‘I’ve been on hold for hours to Marks and they’ve said they’re calling me back but oh gosh what a nightmare…’ without even saying hello?! Then other times she will be pretty normal and less manic.
I had terrible anxiety in my twenties and still do to an extent and I wonder if this had something to do with it?