To be so angry about cars being written off

[Newcarforchristmas]

Both mine and DH cars were written off on Monday evening. They were parked outside our home and someone hit the back of my husband’s car which then slammed into my car and all three have been written off.
Luckily no one was injured other than the airbag bruising the guys hand.

But I am so angry. He claims he swerved to avoid something in the road, which may or may not be true, but we live in a 30mph residential area that is rarely even driven at 30 due to the amount of children that ride their bikes, cars along the road as many of us don’t have driveways etc. I can’t see how driving at 30mph could ever write off three cars, there’s some cctv that shows the front of my husbands car hitting the back of mine and they both move a whole cars length even though they were parked in gear with the handbrakes on.
The police won’t investigate as it’s damage only and he’s literally gotten away with it if he was speeding/on his phone etc

His car was a company car and he owns a local business with a lot of access to vehicles and someone who I know that works for him has said he’s already replaced his car and it’s just over for him but it isn’t for us, we’re waiting on insurance to work out settlement payments and even then both cars were on finance so that will just clear the finance and we’ll need to rush to buy two more cars which will have to come from our pockets.

It just feels so unfair and I’m so cross about it all, and I keep telling myself that the main thing is we weren’t in the cars and cars can be replaced but I’m struggling to let go of this anger.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can move forward?

Ugh that sounds so hard - I'm so sorry!

Fundamentally, something REALLY unfair has happened to you and it sounds like it's hard to let go of the injustice of this absolute twat getting away scot free when it was obviously him doing something like speeding or being on his phone that caused the accident. And the police not investigating just feels doubly unfair as they're the ones who you would usually expect to bring the perpetrator to justice.

But let go you must, or it will burble inside you and make this a lot worse than it has to be. Fundamentally it's stuff - no one was physically hurt, thank god. It's a huge pain in the backside but it could have been so much worse.

This is one of those classic scenarios where you can't change what other people do, so you have to change your attitude/reaction to it, or they'll just affect you twice over - not just with the cars but also letting them live in your head and ruin what should be a lovely time of year with family and friends.

Some good tips here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/empowered-relief/201412/9-tips-stop-anger-and-injustice-hurting-you

Shifting Away From Anger and Injustice

1. Have compassion for yourself. Recognize that you are doing your best with a difficult situation. The more you focus on compassion, the less room there is for anger.
2. Decide it’s not worth it. When you find yourself thinking about the injustice of being wronged, remind yourself that by staying focused on injustice and anger, you are unwittingly wronging yourself. You can acknowledge past harms and prevent these past harms from maintaining power over you and contaminating your present experience. Remind yourself that gaining control over your current experience is the best way to rise above any negative people and circumstances from the past. Doing so puts you in the driver's seat, and the past in the backseat.
3. Anger and feelings of injustice beget physical pain. Among people with chronic pain, feelings of injustice and anger are associated with worse medical outcomes and greater pain [1-6]. There may be many different reasons why these emotions have a negative impact on health. Anger causes increased tension in the body and this in turn increases pain. Anger is associated with increased inflammation in the body, which can worsen pain and overall health. Feelings of anger and injustice can keep you focused on what’s wrong and who is to blame. Remind yourself that focusing on it gives it more energy.
4. Choose to be empowered by separating the facts of the situation from your emotions. “Susan” wrongfully lost her job. She harbored great feelings of injustice and anger at the circumstance and the key players involved. She recognized that her anger was contaminating her ability to enjoy her life, and so she worked to release her anger. While Susan is clear that what happened was not fair, she no longer carries the feelings of injustice, or the persistent feeling of having been wronged or victimized. This freed her up to focus on what’s ahead and how she can make her life better today.
5. Seek treatment modalities that melt anger and feelings of injustice. Effective modalities include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), Loving Kindness Meditation, and Compassion Meditation [6].
6. The Relaxation Response is an antidote for anger. The relaxation response can effectively counter the physical and emotional “tightening” that happens when we feel anger or injustice. Have a plan to reduce the inner tension and the emotions will neutralize. For a strong dose of relaxation that is portable and easy, download a 20-minute guided relaxation audio file on your smartphone or iPod and use it regularly.
7. Positive imagery can help you disengage from negative thought spirals. Breaking the cycle of injustice requires shifting your focus when you observe the thought pattern in action. Visualize yourself in nature or with someone you love to interrupt the thought pattern neutralize any negative emotional charge.
8. Have patience with yourself. It may take time for the emotions to lessen. Encourage yourself to soften in each and every moment. Some days will be easier than others; have compassion for yourself as you move through the process.
9. Don’t stay stuck. If you feel yourself stagnating, confine your focus to countering the physical and emotional tension with relaxation techniques every time they come up. Over time you will accumulate greater relaxation in your mind and body, and this will set the foundation for you to explore deeper emotional release work. Working with a professional can help you overcome any barriers and kickstart your freedom from anger and injustice.

Also one more item not on the list, is that if I were your friend I'd give you a big hug, a big mug of tea and listen to you for as long as you needed to rant about this utter twat and offer to help you with the admin. Do you have a friend that you can call? Or can you and DH do some mutual angry ranting at each other in a way that helps each other move forward, or will that just work you both up into an even greater fury?

Can you get other cars on finance and start new plans?

It is extremely annoying, but to feel that much anger Is maybe a little unusual?

Keep focusing on the fact they are lumps of metal and you and your husband are fine as is the driver.

Completely his fault - get onto insurance companies get the liability admitted and then get a hire car till you are sorted