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Original poster

To think I've messed up here with a guy

14 replies

Mermaidsgalore · 21/12/2023 12:51

I'm recently out of a few years long relationship. I left because my ex wouldn't commit to me in any way, wouldn't give me a timeline and couldn't see himself spending his life with me, that's it really. Didn't want the responsibility or commitment
He's said he misses me but hasn't said he wants to get back together, changed his mind or anything, it was the best for me to walk away and I doubt there's any going back. He seems to be coping ok.
Anwyay, there's a man at work who I only very recently got seated next to a few times. He's really nice to talk to and this week he's started showing signs of interest. He is single and he knows I am too.
The thing is it's just a bit too soon. I do have a crush on him for sure, I am attracted to him. I haven't flirted or done anything inappropriate but I just feel disrespectful towards my ex, even though it's over.
Wibu to say to this guy (if he asked me out or anything) that I need a bit more time?
I am not looking to get back with my ex and it doesn't seem he is, I'm just naturally feel a bit sad.
However this new guy is really nice, and it's not easy to meet people you connect with.
Maybe I could see how I feel in a month or so?
That sad, I once dated someone for a month and it took me 6 months to get over them!
Generally, I don't move on 100% until I have feelings for someone else. Not using them, but developing the feelings helps me move on.
It took me years once to fully get over a man I loved, but I dared in between.
I just don't know what to do

OP posts:
Original poster
Mermaidsgalore · 21/12/2023 12:54

I also don't like jumping from one thing to another. I just wonder if I could letting a good thing go with the new guy if he's compatible with me?

OP posts:
lastchristmasigaveu · 21/12/2023 12:56

How old are you ?

lastchristmasigaveu · 21/12/2023 12:56

Are you both ?

chipsandpeas · 21/12/2023 12:58

christ, slow down, he hasnt even asked you out yet, he might not be interested and just likes the flirting

Kingoftheroad · 21/12/2023 12:58

Don’t be daft - go for it - you owe your ex nothing honey he treated you badly and you were most probably alone in the relationship for a long time

if he asks - you’re going if not - it’s his loss

let me know how you get on lol

ManateeFair · 21/12/2023 13:01

'Disrespectful to your ex'?! What a weird thing to say. Your ex didn't actually care about you enough to want a committed relationship, so I don't think any respect is necessary here.

If you like this bloke and there's a date on the cards at some point in the future, just go for it.

That said, as another poster has pointed out, you're getting very angsty about this at a very early stage given that you don't actually know if he's going to ask you out anyway.

toomuchfaff · 21/12/2023 13:02

I remember when I ended a 10 Yr relationship, I was reading an article that compared the loss of relationship to grief, not that you want it back but you still have to go through several stages. You spent a raft of time with someone, considering them in every decision you made (consciously or unconsciously). The article suggested it takes half the lifetime of the relationship to get back to you, and this rang true to me when still a couple years down the line I wasn't ready. I think it was approximately 6 yrs before I got into a new relationship. So yeah I don't think you're unreasonable, You don't necessarily need to overshare if you don't want but that you're fresh out of something and not ready to move on anything else, even just fun.

Original poster
Mermaidsgalore · 21/12/2023 13:41

Yeahh I probably am overthinking, I tend to do that! I thought disrespectful because I was the one who ended things even though it was because he didn't want a future.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mermaidsgalore · 21/12/2023 13:55

Both 30s

OP posts:
ShittingPeugeot · 21/12/2023 13:56

I mean he hasn't even asked you out yet, he's just shown some signs of interest, and at that they could just be part of his nature, or he may be interested in you. You've only sat next to the guy! Don't overthink like this OP or you'll push any potential future relationships away!

Topjoe19 · 21/12/2023 14:25

Bloody hell, just go out with him if he asks you! No need to overthink it, he's not proposing or anything. Anyway, life's short - just enjoy any opportunity & have fun!

Sugarsun · 21/12/2023 14:59

Dating someone at your work is not a good idea!

You say yourself it’s too soon and so put this one on hold for now and when you’re ready to date then do OLD or something similar.

If a friendship and then something else develops with this guy in the meantime, then so be it and it was obviously meant to be but I would actively avoid it right now
and just focus on being friends with him and take things slow.

Original poster
Mermaidsgalore · 21/12/2023 15:07

I'm moving somewhere else in 2 weeks so we won't be working together after that :) yeah I think starting with friendship first is a good idea, I don't think I can face OLD again, the thing is people say there are a lot of guys out there but it took me 5 years to find a relationship last time and finding the right person is very hard, which is why I'm thinking about this guy is there is a connection, but yeah friendship won't do any harm

OP posts:
Kitkatcatflap · 21/12/2023 15:37

First of all, Christmas and New Year are pretty much all planned for but you say you are moving in a couple of weeks. So that will be a good month. But calm down, he hasn't even asked you out. Some people are naturally friendly/flirty it's not a dead cert that he is interested.

Are you leaving your job as well? If so maybe suggest meeting for a coffee or a drink as friends. If you do go out and you both like each other, you can set the pace from there.

Don't be worrying about being disrespectful to your ex. He wasn't worried about stringing you alo without any timeline or commitment. You owe him nothing.

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