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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My neighbour and his flying bins

137 replies

Philthedendron · 21/12/2023 12:34

I just need a quick sense check that I’m not being unreasonable here, I’m off work sick at the moment and I’ve lost all sense of proportion. I’ve NC’d because I have an active thread running under my main user name on a health issue that’s identifiable but I’m a long term user.

So, I live at the end of a short track that branches into 2 drives: my neighbours drive and mine. We’ve had high winds for a couple of nights, so the last couple of mornings I’ve found next doors bins blocking the shared track. As you do, I’ve just moved them out of the way and popped them back on his drive on his hard standing area where he keeps his bins.

I got back from dropping the kids off this morning and noticed the bins were back on the track, blocking access to our house (I could have squeezed passed them but I’m in a big car and didn’t want to risk knocking them).

Well out marches Mr Nextdoor when he sees me getting out of the car and he shouts from his front door ‘I hope you’ve not got out to move my bin??’

I didn’t quite process what he said in time and I thought he was apologising that his bin was on the track, so I said ‘I need to get on our drive so I’ll just move it back don’t worry it’s no problem!’

I carried on and he ran over and said ‘no no leave the bin where it is this is our property!’ Confused

So I said ‘I need to put the car on the drive and don’t want to damage your bin so can you move it please if you don’t want me to?’

It went back and forth but basically, the upshot of the conversation is he thinks the shared track is owned by him, and he wants to start keeping his bins on the track so the bin men will collect them from there and he won’t have to move them.

I don’t believe the track is owned by them, I’m pretty confident it’s not owned by either of us. I didn’t want to argue on the street so I left the conversation by offering to take his bins down the track and back again to his bin store on bin day but he said they didn’t need that thank you. So I said well the bins can’t stay where they are and I’ll need to check the deeds.

I’m sympathetic to them getting older so don’t want to start a fight, but if they don’t own the track (which I’m confident they dont), are they allowed to leave their bin there under any circumstances? How do I challenge it?

OP posts:
Tinysoxxx · 01/01/2024 23:47

Do that ‘pin’ drop in the land registry site to see who owns the track. Then register an interest in the track land (I think you may have to pay a fee) so that if any permissions/take over bids happen, you are alerted asap.

Whenwillitstopraining · 02/01/2024 00:27

Can I offer an alternative? I’m not dismissing or overlooking any of his nonsense but, before a solicitor’s letter/ dispute which may have to be declared is reached, is there another way to “skin this cat”?
My DH is older than him, fit, able, nothing wrong with his mental capacity - granted everyone’s an individual - and equally has to be bloody right, can be a complete Victor Meldrew. Your NDN is still working worldwide which hints he’s not deteriorating mentally.
At home, alone, he sounds defensive, lonely, aggrieved, angry, in need of attention (up for confrontation on Christmas Day). You have the life he wants and misses.
If it were me, I’d put something delicious in the oven, open some wine, get the beer in and invite him round to eat, drink and spend time with you. No need to talk about the bins. Lean on him for his help, knowledge, experience - make him feel valued. Win him round.

wronginalltherightways · 02/01/2024 12:29

"You don't get to block a road that isn't yours to block. And you don't get to unilaterally decide that I should be driving a smaller car for your benefit. Do I need to get my solicitor involved, because I will."

wronginalltherightways · 02/01/2024 12:32

Whenwillitstopraining · 02/01/2024 00:27

Can I offer an alternative? I’m not dismissing or overlooking any of his nonsense but, before a solicitor’s letter/ dispute which may have to be declared is reached, is there another way to “skin this cat”?
My DH is older than him, fit, able, nothing wrong with his mental capacity - granted everyone’s an individual - and equally has to be bloody right, can be a complete Victor Meldrew. Your NDN is still working worldwide which hints he’s not deteriorating mentally.
At home, alone, he sounds defensive, lonely, aggrieved, angry, in need of attention (up for confrontation on Christmas Day). You have the life he wants and misses.
If it were me, I’d put something delicious in the oven, open some wine, get the beer in and invite him round to eat, drink and spend time with you. No need to talk about the bins. Lean on him for his help, knowledge, experience - make him feel valued. Win him round.

I would 100% not do any of this. It is not the OP's job to fix a "defensive, lonely, aggrieved, angry, in need of attention" aggressive, belligerent neighbour's life or inflate his ego by making him "feel valued".

There's a reason he's alone, as he did have a wife and children, and it's not the OP's problem to sort.

GoingDownLikeBHS · 02/01/2024 14:25

I feel @Whenwillitstopraining's suggested solution is quite radical, and not in a good way. I mean bless you and I know you catch flies with honey etc but this isn't a Netflix film, OP is trying to live her life and this guy is provoking arguments left right and centre. I've always tried to ignore/appease my prickly (and now elderly) neighbours who we share a drive with and after 30 years I can see now all that's happened is I've encouraged them to take more and more liberties. Our house on market now and suddenly neighbour feels the urge to store their rubbish on the drive, as in piles of household waste.

Ohnotyoutoo · 02/01/2024 14:35

I'd start putting his bins right outside his front door so he can't get out easily, or perhaps one blocking the driver's side door of his car, and the other in front.

What a total arse, I don't understand why people are like this.

Whenwillitstopraining · 02/01/2024 18:39

@wronginalltherightways and @GoingDownLikeBHS I can argue my point to the very end, be obstructive, petty, bloody determined but ultimately this costs effort, time, increases tension which might have to be declared.
No, I don’t live in lalaland and I would be the very first to reestablish a boundary if I perceived any hint of piss being taken. Yes, such men are PITAs, but this one displays glimmers of hope (thankful for maintenance of garden, etc) - all is not lost yet. Granted, he’s now on his own, but he could be your father or your grandfather. Does he have to be crushed completely so a point is established? So far it hasn’t worked, has it?

wronginalltherightways · 02/01/2024 19:22

Crushed completely?

Are you mad?

OP just wants to be able to use their drive without having to keep getting out of their car to move bins that have been deliberately placed there. Neighbour's refusal to see sense and behave reasonably is entirely on him, not the OP.

Whenwillitstopraining · 02/01/2024 22:05

No, I’m not mad. Try not to be so aggressive and rude if you want to discuss on a public forum.
They’ve had words, checked deeds, presented him with the facts, mentioned LR and the council. The situation, in order to persuade him, will escalate to prove him wrong, to crush his belief, to back him into a corner. Being diplomatic might prove more beneficial.

SomeCatFromJapan · 02/01/2024 23:15

At the risk of sounding childish, he started it, not OP. If he winds up feeling crushed that's on him, it is he that is being an unreasonable arse.

OP is doubtless a busy woman and I'm sure has better things to do with her time than cook for, flatter and appease a canterkerous arsehole.

Whenwillitstopraining · 02/01/2024 23:34

As he’s the OP’s only neighbour, he has ROW on her land, they share a lane and she wants to build an extension…
Yes, he’s an unreasonable, cantankerous arsehole but hasn’t given up, has he? I doubt official warnings will stop him. What will? Think about it.
How many disputes between neighbours appear on this site and how much do they wind people up, even compelling people to consider moving house.

Ofcourseshecan · 02/01/2024 23:41

I have found this forum very useful and informative:
gardenlaw.co.uk

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